Bitch in a Box6 Gifts for Everyone in the Zodiac

pattern of a white astrology planner, blue shower curtain with a nude figure sitting atop a planet, and a gold signet ring

Photo credit: Society6, Magic of I, Mejuri

In a time when little feels secure and the future—whether personal or global—looks bright only because it’s probably on fire—astrology can feel like a balm. Yes, we know it isn’t “real,” but it doesn’t have to be add depth and color to knowing ourselves and those around us; to understanding the patterns and cycles of history; and to help us focus on taking action and making needed change. Regardless of whether the universe really does have big plans or just wants to absolutely roast us, these gifts offer up a bit of the magic and ritual found in the stars.

Astrology for Writers

It’s hard to say if writers are more attuned to astrology than others, but there’s no question that we’re really quick to blame missed deadlines and ignored emails on Mercury retrograde. A subscription to Jeanna Kadlec’s newsletter, Astrology for Writers ($5/month or $50/year), makes a great gift for the writer in your life who worries about their texts having “too much Gemini energy.” The subscription includes two newsletters per month, each outlining two weeks’ worth of astrological transits and auspicious dates for writing and pitching, as well as glimpses at the birth charts of famous writers. 


Not all astrology fans drape themselves in crystals and amulets, but that doesn’t mean a gift of jewelry is off the table. A constellation ring from Mejuri ($70) is just right for the refined, low-key astronerd in your life (probably a Virgo, am I right?); the classic signet design features tiny white sapphires that form the constellation of each sign, and is available in gold or sterling silver.

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Gabriella Cetrulo
{ Society6 }

Even if you’re not a water sign, you need to get clean—whether you’re going to luxuriate under the spray like a Cancer queen or take the lightning-fast dunk of a fire sign who has shit to do right now, one of Gabriella Cetrulo’s shower curtains or bath mats ($29–$70) can brighten your day. Cetrulo’s figurative illustrations are simple, colorful, and unfussy. 

Magic of I

Online astrology is more accessible than ever, but for those who like to keep some things analog, there’s the 2020 Astrology Planner ($45), which lets you keep track of the universe’s schedule along with your own. Available with black or white covers (both made from vegan leather), the planner holds a wealth of information—guides to moon phases and planetary retrogrades and correspondences—alongside month at-a-glance and weekly planner pages.

{ Etsy }

Not everyone likes to put their star sign out in the streets, but those who do may appreciate the bold, somewhat retro styling of a Zodiac t-shirt from kaeraz ($35). Handmade in Arizona, the unisex, non-fitted t-shirts come in colors suited to each sign (could a Scorpio rock anything but classic black?) and sizes up to 2XL, and feature clean, not-too-cutesy graphics.

Astro Poets: Your Guides to the Zodiac
{ Dorothea Lasky and Alex Dimitrov }

Finally, there’s a wealth of new astrology books geared to everyone from birth-chart veterans to the merely astro-curious. From Dorothea Lasky and Alex Dimitrov, the ruthlessly funny duo behind Twitter account AstroPoets, there’s Astro Poets: Your Guides to the Zodiac ($26.99). Social-justice astrologer Chani Nicholas’s You Were Born For This ($22.99) isn’t out until January, but a holiday pre-order offers delayed-gratification anticipation for those (*cough*Capricorn*cough*) who are into that. Annabel Gat’s The Astrology of Love and Sex ($19.95) is a much-needed, non-cisnormative update of astrology classic Linda Goodman’s Love Signs. And Aliza Kelly Faragher’s The Mixology of Astrology ($15.99) puts a liquored-up lens on the zodiac with 16 unique drink recipes.


by Andi Zeisler
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Andi Zeisler is the cofounder of Bitch Media and the author of We Were Feminists Once: From Riot Grrrl to CoverGirl®, the Buying and Selling of a Political Movement. You can find her on Twitter.