In looking through Bitch in a Box entries from over the years, I realize that this is not the first time I have put together a gift guide whose theme is “not leaving the house all winter.” What can I say, the hibernation beat is my comfort zone. Whether they’re SAD or mad or just binge-watching the crap out of every critically acclaimed show they failed to make time for earlier this year, show your hermity homies some love with gifts that say “I won’t take it personally that you’ve skipped my Christmas-song karaoke night six years running, and I’ll see you this spring.”
1. Cozy-ass slippers
These sturdy little suckers have a durable sole, a hands-free internal thermostat, and faux-fur lining that retains heat and makes hibernation feel extra fancy.
Volt 3v Smart Heated Slippers, $119.95 (Usually $129.95)
2. Vintage caftan
photo credit: Renata Kowalewski, HouseOfRenata on Etsy
If your friend is the fancy kind of hibernator for whom swants are unthinkable, click around Etsy and eBay—or, even better, haunt your local secondhand shops—for a caftan or housedress that says “Cocktail hour has begun” and not “I didn’t get around to putting on real clothing today.”
Caftan, $–$$$$, Etsy or wherever you buy fine vintage things
3. Gettin’-it-done bed tray
Breakfast in bed seems decadent, but breakfast in bed while sending email and showing up for videoconferences, followed by lunch in bed, is just the homebody lifestyle. Respect the comfy hustle with the gift of a lap desk or bed tray complete with a ledge for holding tablets, phones, or other devices.
Bamboo Bed Tray with Media Holder, $39.99, Lapdesk.com
4. Smart coffee mug
Nobody needs this minimalist, self-heating ceramic 10 oz. mug that, when synced with a smartphone app, tells you when your coffee or tea has reached a temperature that won’t scald your mouth or stain your caftan when you spit it out, but it’s likely no one will turn it away, either.
Ember Ceramic Smart Coffee Mug, $79.95, GadgetFlow.com
5. Monthly Coloring Pages
If you’ve got a pal who loves mindful relaxation-via-coloring-page—and you like supporting independent artists—sign them up for Chroma Club’s monthly 16-page books of intricate, beautiful, and calming designs created with artists all over the world. Pay by the month, or prepay for a 3- or 6-month membership.
Chroma Club membership, $8–$39, Chroma Club
6. Instant Ping-Pong
Indoor living isn’t all about lounging around, you know. Turn any flat surface into a Ping-Pong table with this handy, inexpensive set.
Stiga Anywhere Table Tennis Set, $19.99, Dick’s Sporting Goods
7. Bannermen (and women)
You’re never home alone if you’ve got your pop-culture idols around, and Etsy seller DollyLovesDallas has your decor covered with banners featuring the likes of Prince, Eleven, the baddest ladies of Drag Race, and many more.
Paper bunting (string and mounting dots included), $18–$21, DollyLovesDallas on Etsy.com
8. Vagenda of Vajournaling
It’s been a year, folks, and if you and a pal or two want to stay home and just Hulk the hell out, you’ll be in great company with Isabell Bunnell’s interactive and beautifully illustrated Vajournal. “A canvas on which to explore feminist rage”? Add a roraring fire and some whiskey and count me in!
Vajournal: Feminist Interactions and Interventions, $13.69, ThriftBooks.com