Feminist Snack BreakTed Cruz Doesn't Want You To Masturbate Unless He Can Watch

Feminist Snack Break follows this recipe every week:

1/4 Snacks

I fed Howard some (small!) pieces of bacon this morning, and then I gave him several dental treats, so he should be full for the rest of the day. I enjoyed some lemon pound cake and some fizzy water.

1/4 Howard

On last week’s episode of Feminist Snack Break, Howard slapped our guest host Ashley, so I’ve decided that I will promote or demote him from his position as (senior) cat correspondent weekly, depending on his behavior. Because of last week’s infraction, he has been demoted to cat correspondent.

1/4 Politics

Phew, lots of bizarre things going on in politics this week! First, did you know that Ted Cruz watches porn on Twitter while logged in to his actual Twitter account? He does. And what’s worse than that is that he accidentally liked a porn tweet Monday night from his official Twitter account.


(Are you wondering what happened in the porn that Ted liked? I did the legwork and watched it for you. It’s a stepmother-stepdaughter peeping tom/masturbation situation.) Now Ted says that the SNAFU happened because of “a staffer who hit the wrong button” and that it was DEFINITELY NOT HIM WHO LIKED THE PORN. SURE, TED.

Read Lindy West’s piece on Ivanka, if you haven’t already, for this incredible paragraph:

Ivanka Trump is never going to come through. Coming through isn’t her function. She is more a logo than a person, a scarecrow stuffed with branding, an heiress-turned-model-turned-multimillionaire’s-wife playacting as an authority on the challenges facing working women so that she can sell more pastel sheath dresses.

Keep your eyes on Jeff Sessions’s and the Department of Justice’s amicus brief in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Civil Rights Commission, which is seeking to open the door to undermining legal protections for marginalized communities.

1/4 Pop Culture

Louis C.K. has a new movie coming out called I Love You, Daddy (puke), featuring a mashup Roman Polanski/Woody Allen character. The movie tries to mansplain sexual assault by arguing that you just never know what’s going on in the minds and hearts of sexual predators. They’re complicated people, too! Thanks for mansplaining sexual assault to us! Actually no, here’s to cancelling all men who think art that explores the nuances, complexities, and humanity of sexual assailants is important and deep.

I’m still watching American Horror Story: Cult but don’t really know what’s going on. And I saw IT last weekend and loved it! BRB buying Katy Tur and HRC’s new books RN.

Catch the next episode of Feminist Snack Break on Wednesday at 10 a.m. PST/1 p.m. EST!

by Dahlia Balcazar
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Dahlia Balcazar is Bitch Media’s senior engagement editor. She’s passionate about horror films, ’90s music, girl gangs, and Shirley Jackson. She is the artist formerly known as Dahlia Grossman-Heinze. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

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