2017 is a very unique year for hostility, so we decided there was no need to wait for the winter holidays to brainstorm ideas for hostile gifts!
Do you kind of hate your partner right now because they’re just not meeting you where you’re at on your outrage about Trump? Do you have to give a gift to a relative who voted for the despot? Is there a co-worker who needs to get with the program? Even if you’re not, say, in a place where you’re separating from your husband of 22-years over his vote for Trump—you’re amazing Gayle—we may be able to help you out during this holiday that’s basically horrible anyway. Remember, a hostile gift is not merely a bad gift or an insulting gift. Rather, a hostile gift is meant to intentionally inspire perplexity, confusion, and apoplexy in the recipient. Given that Trump and his whole team of billionaire cronies are also working hard to create “perplexity, confusion, and apoplexy” hostile gifts are “more important than ever.” Let’s fight fire with fire.
1. “Trump Loves Hate” valentines
Enough of the saccharine “Love Trumps Hate” which centers “trump” as the verb. Let’s tell it like it is. I am imagining miniature envelopes à la elementary school Valentine’s Day exchange or doilies and red construction paper with this message left on the desk or in the mailbox of anyone who needs to hear it.
2. A copy of What We Do Now: Standing Up for Your Values in Trump’s America
Though the Trump supporter is not really the intended audience for this collection of essays, it’s a little 101 for folks already engaged in organizing to resist the administration. If they’d read it, it’s really a great primer for someone who just doesn’t get how their vote for “change,” to paraphrase from an essay in the book by Brittany Packnett, is someone else’s “catastrophe.”
3. A pussy hat
As symbol of the Women’s March, the pussy hat had its detractors, but no one could argue it’s not the perfect hostile Valentine’s gift for the Trump supporter. They come in pink, red, purple! Consider adding a ribbon or extra flair to further perplex the recipient. The silent response you want to elicit is, “Is this one of those…pu- pu- pussy hats??”
Don’t spend good money on chocolats for this person! Just hand a few Oreos and let them google “Trump and Oreos” when they’re (hopefully) confused.
5. A subscription to Bitch magazine, of course
We recommend taking aim at your Senators and local congressmen. What better gift to give a room full of mansplainy white men than a barrage of magazines with the word “Bitch” on it? (Plus, we’ll send you this free awesome sticker to keep for yourself.)