10 Ways to Subtly Want to Puke All Over Askmen.com

As a woman, I don't spend too much time hanging out over at askmen.com. Maybe I should start, though, because people who frequent the site are getting valuable life lessons hand over fist in the form of the askmen Top 10. Today's topic? Subtle Ways to Tell Her She's Getting Fat.

According to askmen.com, one way to subtly tell your female partner she's packed on a few too many lbs (you know, besides having a conversation with her about it) is to "sabotage her chair" by removing some of the slats or screws. That way, when she sits down on the chair and it breaks, you can shame her into thinking it was because she's too fat! It's a win-win! (I am kidding.)

Some of the other tips in the Top 10? Buy your girlfriend clothes that you know are too small for her, serve her unsatisfactory portions (but go back for seconds yourself when she isn't looking), and trick her into going places where she will need to put on a bathing suit. All of these suggestions are to be followed up with some good ol' fashioned shaming, just to make sure you get your point across. (You can read the full list of suggestions here, if you think your blood pressure can handle it.) I have included a few images from the list, just to spice things up. At least askmen.com is consistently misogynistic in their words and their images, right?

This one is from, "Ask her to wear an old dress." Oh no!


Now I am all for people feeling comfortable enough in relationships to be honest when they would like their partner(s) to improve their health and appearance. If you are with someone who has gained weight, you have every right to mention it in a respectful way. You also have every right to not care one bit about it. Whatever works, right? The key is to have an adult, respectful conversation about it instead of trying to trick or embarrass someone into changing her/his lifestyle. (I am sure that you savvy Bitch readers are way ahead of me on that one, though.)

Of course, not every suggestion on the list is as abhorrent as the chair advice. Some, like changing your own eating habits, or encouraging your partner to go to the gym with you, seem perfectly reasonable. However, askmen just couldn't resist adding snarky little comments at the end about how she might "see through your ploy" or how you need to take action by "separating her from fatty foods." And that snarky advice is kicked up a few notches when the suggestions get more outrageous. (Hey askmen, leave the snarkiness where it belongs: right here at Bitch.) When the list suggests you serve your gal "unsatisfactory portions," the author explains, "By making her ask for more food, you might succeed in shaming her into an acknowledgment of her recent weight gain." Ah, sooo productive.

Here is the image from, "Playfully grab her love handles." The text predicts that when you grab a woman's "unwanted flab" she "recoils and feels embarrassment." Mission accomplished!


And this leads us to one of the problems (among many) that I have with this Top 10 list: It's so mean-spirited. Nearly all of the suggestions involve an element of deceit, and many of them require downright mocking. The tone is infantilizing toward women, and makes it seem like women, on our own, have no idea how to take care of ourselves. Apparently, the only way we'll make a positive change in our lives is if our boyfriend (I am assuming a heterosexual audience here) makes us do it through trickery. And of course he isn't doing it for our benefit, but rather so that he'll want to bone us more. (Which is perfectly fine in a different context, obviously.)

Another problem here, of course, is that this list targets women only, as if there are no askmen.com readers who are in relationships with men that they'd like to see slim down a little. Would the advice be the same if it were directed toward men? Would askmen.com be telling those of us who date men that we should start tricking our fellas into sitting on broken chairs? Should we shame them into wearing swimsuits and then mock them once they do? Does this advice go both ways?

I think this advice should go nowhere except into the misogynistic, immature, garbage heap. (And yes, in my mind, that exists.) The people over at askmen.com should start asking themselves why they are such assholes, instead of encouraging their readers to disrespect women even more than they do already. To get your blood boiling and your comments flowing, here are a few choice comments from the askmen.com article:

NyteHawx says:Just be blunt: "B!tch you fat. Lose weight." DONE. Women tells us bluntly to lose weight when we get pudgy; we should do the same to them.

Lenny Kramitz says:Why put up with it at all? This mangina crap only comes into play if you have to depend on one woman to take care of your sexual needs. If you have several women, you can just kick fatty to the curb.

Stephen says:My number 1? Yell "Man the harpoons!" when she walks into the room.

So what do you think?

by Kelsey Wallace
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Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

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111 Comments Have Been Posted

Excuse my language, but I

Excuse my language, but I think that Askmen.com article is fucking bullshit and immature as hell. Those are not men, those are infantile boys. The name of the website should be changed to Askboys.com.

I have experience with this, I've recently gained a lot of weight, and so has my boyfriend. And lo and behold, we had an adult conversation about it, and decided together, as adults, that we would start exercising together and eating less and hold each other accountable.

I don't think they realize how much those suggestions can backfire. Some women get depressed and eat (which is what happened to me), so these "suggestions" can make them more depressed and eat more. By being a fucking adult about it and being honest about it, both of you are more likely to succeed in your relationship.

dont be so fat and depressed

Whitney I think it is very disrespectful of you to call people immature and to use offensive language like you did. did you ever think that the reason you don't like the article is because you are fat now? Also I dont think it is going to help your depression reading about how men dont like fat people. perhaps you should spend less time in front of your computer and more time exercising or your boyfriend wont have to sabotage the chair in order for you to break it when you sit on it. If you spend all your time ranting on feminist websites then you are going to spend your entire life fat and depressed.

give me a fucking break.

give me a fucking break.


Get your finger out of your throat of other people's lives. And stop acting like the internet is some big bad place people go to when they can't actually know or get what they want. What's wrong with being critical of social practices in a public forum? How will we ever communicate what needs to be modernized. The obvious standardization of the female figure is surely one of them. It is not that we are fatter, it is that visual culture has changed and therefore transformed the type of women available within the spectrum of public eye. Instead of the old school of thought where men and women excepted what they expected, the "others" feeling largely out of place with pop culture, there has been a sound backlash. This critique of a traditional train of thought emerging in a male webzine is appearing in such a public forum because it is now a popular train of thought; a train of thought partially popularized by the internet, which is the machine behind new visual culture. In this culture, practices once dominated and standardized by a largely controlled media network and a small in-group of icons has branched out along with the accessibility of free-media and do-it-yourself entertainment (youtube as tv, podcasts as radio, blogs as columnists and political/social watchdogs) and we have been exposed to the true breadth of society. Well, as true a visual image as our mental facilities may allow. We have suddenly become aware of ourselves in relation to a vast number of groups-- mass globalization. The necessary push to fit in as defined by one society is now simply a mass of miss-matched pressure pushing from different societies. As for sexual identity as connected to weight, as women we have learned atleast the extreme of the obsession. Men, too, are aware there is a need to 'define' their position on the matter, concerning their weight and also that of their female counterparts. They are not unaware of feminist critique because it is now very easy for anyone, including men, to become a part of it.

you're wrong.

I cannot tell you how angry your comment made me. Even if you are opposed to the language used, there's no need to resort to petty comments like "did you ever think that the reason you don't like the article is because you are fat now?"

If you'd bothered to read her comment you'd actually realise that she's already in a relationship and has had an adult conversation with her partner about the problem, something you seem unable to do.

The comment wasn't a rant it was simply a response, rather like this one, which was caused by an immature sexist post written, i assume, by someone like you who has no respect whatsoever for anyone other than yourself.

Obvious troll is obvious.

I'd beg for everyone not to feed him, but I am a bit late finding this article. I'm almost tempted to wonder if it's an AskMen contributor. This seems to resonate with the maturity level they exhibit.


Infantile assholes they are! Have you ever went on their message boards? Dam!!! Even the women on there are misogynists! I used to have a screen name on there, called "freakalicious" and I'm proud to say that I have been banned due to my cheeky mannerisms.

Renegade Bitch!
AKA - Wicked Bitch of the Best!


Don't men know by now that women are less likely to want to have sex if they feel unconfident?

and how did the stereotype that *women* are the manipulative sex come about again?

OMFG this is so awful...At

OMFG this is so awful...At first I was really upset by this but after I started reading the comments I couldn't stop laughing, it is so completely stupid! This is not only incredibly cruel it would NEVER work unless you were dating someone with no brains. I don't know why, but after a while I just started to laugh so much I almost cried...Anyway these comments really showcase the unrealistic pressures that women must face. I dare say that heterosexual women have the hardest time--I've personally found lesbians to be more size-positive than straight men (I know that is a generalization). Anyway, here is another comment that stopped my laughing and got my blood boiling again:

"Relax ladies, the chair sabotage is the last resort. But women love giving out subtle hints and subliminal messages, so whoever says "why not talk about it like an adult" is being a hypocrite as well as missing the point. I once told my ex that she was being to bossy. We ended up having it out in Sainsburys and in the end she wouldn't talk to me for an entire day! They can't handle the truth." YIKES. I hope anyone who tries these things gets dumped.

I also wanted to make a point that most people probably will not consider when reading this article... Being in a relationship with someone who is into extra weight can be just as horrible as dating someone who tries to convince you to be super skinny. I'm sure most people could guess that...but I just want to say that this issue is really important to me and I hope that this critique just makes people realize that respecting peoples' bodies and not shaming anyone is very important in a relationship! I just wish everyone could be more accepting in general an not pressure people they are dating to change...


I was talking about this article elsewhere and a woman described how she'd had food issues for years after a boyfriend did several of the things on this list to her.

She's not stupid.

sounds like she is stupid,

sounds like she is stupid, though. really. if only for having a boyfriend that dumb. (not to mention falling/feeling for his manipulations.)

Anyone in a relationship

Anyone in a relationship with one of these tools is bound to gain a couple of pounds. How about losing 165 lbs by dumping the loser who reads askmen.com for advice.

says the "woman" reading

says the "woman" reading bitchmagazine.com?? psssht...

pot, kettle

You are reading it. Are you a "man"?

nah. child maybe. go back to your homework.


Amen Baby!

Renegade Bitch!
AKA Wicked Bitch of the Best!

that... is... awesome.





How about we realize that people's bodies change and stop placing moral import on body size? "If you are with someone who has gained weight, you have every right to mention it in a respectful way." Do you? Why does it matter if one partner gains weight? Would you politely mention if your partner loses weight? We live in a time when body size is linked to moral failing, and appearance is more important than what kind of people we are. There is more than a little evidence that counters the current "zomg obesity crisis!!!1111!!1!" and shows that extra body weight does not equal any increased health problems. Even if it did, your partner's body IS NOT YOURS. Period.

I agree absolutely with your

I agree absolutely with your point, Lilah, that your body belongs to you and no one else. However, your assertion that there is "more than a little evidence that ... extra body weight does not equal any increased health problems" surprised me. I have never run across this evidence myself, and have always trusted the mainstream studies regarding obesity and increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc. However, if this evidence does exist, I would be very interested to read it.....can you point me in the right direction?

I agree that we don't own

I agree that we don't own our partners. And that the body is nothing to do with the person's personality.

That's all fine and dandy, but there is an "elephant in the room" you seem to have failed to notice: people select friends based on personality, while selecting a partner usually entails more. By more I mean at least some degree of compatibility between the person's concept of attractive body, and the prospects' physique.

Your comment seems to leave no room for negotiation at all, and seems to paint anyone who is not okay with a person's change in physique as a total monster. Relationships are a two-way street.

Thank you!

Thank you for writing that, Ilia.

Relationships are voluntary and reciprocal.

"I'm with you because I want to be with you. Presumably, the same can be said for you and I. If something changes that threatens my desire to be with you, it's my duty to let you know directly but it should be understood just how hard that can be for someone sensitive enough to not want to harm peoples' feelings for so-called selfish reasons."

Looks and chemistry matter. If something drastic changes, even as "minor" as a hair cut or colour change, it could affect the attraction your partner has for you. Whether or not your partner accepts you as a person isn't what's in question here, it's whether your partner is attracted to you that's in question.

If my girlfriend bleached her hair blonde and radically changed her appearance, I would likely find myself less attracted to her -- maybe even <i>not</i> attracted to her. Yes, it's her right to change her appearance as she sees fit, but it's also my right to tell her that I don't find it attractive and that it may affect our relationship as a result.

Does that make me a bad person? I'd like to think not, but if having strong preferences in romantic relationships is something others define as "bad" or "wrong" then so be it.

The people I'm not attracted to are still people. I'll still treat them as equals, but that doesn't mean I am morally obligated to go any farther than being polite, honest and friendly.

Communication, honesty and trust are all important. Sometimes, people are just very frightened by the consequences of their opinions and preferences. It's strange and complicated at times, but I'm fairly certain we're all aware of instances where we shut out mouths to avoid pain and conflict.

Exactly. If my partner

Exactly. If my partner gained a ton of weight, I'd be less attracted to him. I agree that that comment left no room for negotiation- I'm not a sociopath, so I'm not going to break his chair and do all kinds of degrading things to him, but I can't even have a tactful conversation about it? Should I just dump him without talking about it? Or should I change my sexual preferences or just lay back and thing of England?

I'd absolutely talk about it, and, since I've gained a few pounds since college, I'd suggest working out together. It's completely acceptable to bring it up, as long as it's done with honesty and consideration.

*think of England, that is

*think of England, that is

Because i would expect that

Because i would expect that amount of respect and honesty from my partner. Plus, what if the weight-gain becomes very unhealthy? If you want your partner to be healthy and not get diseases like diabetes (I'm talking about both men and women and all partners).

I don't agree with this at

I don't agree with this at all, if my partner started to become unattracted to me bacause of a change in my appearance, I'd surely want to know about it. No-one is obliged to go out with anyone, if I became unattracted to my boyfriend due to changes in his appearance I'd hardly be the best girlfriend for him. It's in everyone's interests to be honest about these things. I can't help what I'm attracted to, and I shouldn't have to feel bad about that. I happen to like thin guys, other girls like cuddly guys. That's just how it is.

Thin guys can be cuddly too!

Thin guys can be cuddly too! You might need some blankets to tone down the angularity, but still. Plus, long limbs make for great ways to entangle yourself. :)


What truly bothers me about all of the suggestions on that list is their manipulativeness. I was particularly struck by the quotation:

"Keep in mind, if she confronts you about trying to shame her into losing weight, the key approach here is denial, as you reply: 'Do you actually think I would be that manipulative?' Of course you would, but she doesn’t need to know that."

In my mind, if a man thinks this sort of behavior is acceptable in a relationship (or anyone for that matter) it's time for some serious introspection about one's own influence. I can't think of anything that would dishearten me more than being in a relationship where dissatisfaction and underhandedness is masked by love and sincerity...not that I imagine myself staying in such a situation for very long. Furthermore, why in the world would a woman "not need to know" that she is being deceived, and is in fact dating an asshole?

bodily autonomy

I agree with Lilah - I don't necessarily accept that we have a right to comment on our partner's weight and expect them to change it; I categorically reject the idea that one person should feel obliged to change their body for another. (Not to mention the fact that weight loss isn't an 'action' people can perform directly - people can exercise and eat a balanced diet, or not, but gaining and losing weight are impacted by a whole host of other issues.)

That said, appearance is an issue in lots of people's relationships, and if something has changed one person's attraction to their partner, it does need to be addressed in some way. However, that's still quite different from the presumption that people can easily change their body weight and the assumption that it's an ok thing to ask someone to do. A truly open dialogue, where each person's autonomy is respected, will probably never be easy around a topic like this, since no one ever wants to hear "I'm not obligated to change so you find me attractive" / "I'm not obligated to find you attractive after you've changed." It's infinitely better, though, than the passive aggressive (or just aggressive) alternatives askmen list out.

Chair Absurdity

That a chair breaks under you is not evidence that you need to lose weight, except in cartoons. You'd have to gain a lot of weight to break a chair which supported your weight before, unless it was rickety chair to begin with, in which case you might just suppose that it fell apart of its own accord. If you have gained enough weight to break an otherwise stable chair, then certainly you've noticed it and don't "need" to be manipulated into awareness by your boyfriend. All of which is just common sense...which the folks at Askmen seem to assume women lack.

I completely agree and

I completely agree and there's also the possibility that the woman might get hurt when the chair broke. If the slats were weakened then she might fall through and injure her tail bone or some other part of her body. It's just a really terrible thing to do in a number of ways.

Men serving

If the men are serving the women (unsatisfactory) portions, does that mean they cooked the meal and will be cleaning up as well? :-)


Pssshhh if that is the case then I would be willing to eat less!! Bring on the men-maids! lol

Ask boys inspires vomiting indeed

Damn--this is awful but as past experience has taught me, don't expect anything of value from Askboys.
As I said in my comment to them: Note to self: never date a dude who visits their site!
In fact, I am considering giving up on living a hetero lifestyle more and more. As a woman in a relationship with a man, it seems we can't win. We will age. We will get heavier and love is suppose to keep you together--not looks...but do they know that? If most men can't handle this, why invest in a relationship with a shallow one. *Sigh* I haven't given up completely but I'm damn close. Perhaps there is an enlightened male out there somewhere but they seem to be hiding.Lol
I recently had misfortune of watching (half) of 'Watchmen' and if anything would make a woman reconsider dating men, it's this movie. It was brutal, ugly and violent towards its women characters and audience (A good item for a Bitch critique!). I was especially appalled by one of the main characters claiming that he lied to the woman he loved when he once said he would always want her...but that he couldn't lie to her when she asked if he was leaving her because she was getting old and he could see her 'visibly aging each day'. *sob* :( Seriously...is this where men stand? Women often are more likely to love them and stay with them despite extra pounds, wrinkles, a beer belly and bald patches...if I don't get the same human decency I would rather just move in with my girlfriends or happily live out the rest of my days single and not feeling crappy about my body, thanks.
That said, love yourselves both thick and thin ladies--you are beautiful and perfect as you were created and anyone who can't see that deserves a boot in the ass on their way out your door. :)

Who says women are more

Who says women are more likely to stay with someone who becomes old and disgusting? Women are just as shallow as men, or, to put it more appropriately, certain individuals are shallow, others are not.

I for one don't date guys who are chubby or bald or old. I am a woman. I am shallow when it comes to relationships (the sex factor is a huge deal to me, if I don't find you attractive, I can't sleep with you).

10 not so subtle ways to tell him he's a sociopath.

1. Suggest you have a movie night every Friday. Starting Friday, whip up some (light) popcorn and play "Silence of the Lambs" and cuddle with your sweetie. Next week? " Raising Jeffrey Dahmer". When he gets a boner, react however you want - they don't have feelings, after all.

2. Leave a copy (or 5) oh Dr. Hare's revised PCL (Psychopathy diagnostic checklist) lying around where he is sure to find it. The hint may go over his head, as he is likely too absorbed in his own narcissistic little universe to notice what an unfortunate individual he is.

3. Use lots of 'emotion' words in your day to day language. Talk about feelings a lot. This is how one ' trolls' the morally flexible boyfriend.

4. Next time Conrad Black or Bernie Madoff is on the news, tell him how much they remind you of him (in a good way of course).

5. Trick him into going to a funeral or some place where everyone is expecting empathy. Just keep him away from that body, the last thing you want is a cheating boyfriend!

6....I really gross myself out sometimes. Ask men should hire me.

Controlling through shame... I wish I'd thought of that!

The question I am often forced to ask myself (when faced with Martian-Venusian Cold War propaganda) is: why the hell would anyone want to sign up for this? This being a manipulative and hateful interaction between those dick-driven bastions of reason and the air-headed goddesses on the pedestal who need a good kick every now and then to remind them of their precarious place. However non-fulfilling and contrary to human happiness this arrangement seems, people keep clinging to it for dear life. Ugh ugh ugh!

Two things I feel compelled to point out:
1. I doubt this advice cuts both ways. Women who might bring up a point like "hey babe, the PBR and hot dog diet is not doing a body any favors" are likely to be considered, by men like the AskMen at any rate, to be shallow and controlling... bitches. Bitches that need to loosen up, have a good time, and learn to love men for their complex, wonderful, misogynist selves.
2. Several of my girlfriends have mentioned how they tend to eat like rabbits when left to their own devices (please note, I'm not necessarily saying I applaud this) and put on weight when they have PBR-swilling, hot dog-chowing boyfriends. Hmmmm.

Askmen, Maxim, and the lot

Askmen, Maxim, and the lot never cease to amaze me- nor does their devoted flock of men performing sharply at a ninth-grade reading level. It would be nice if women could agree to boycott any men reading these kinds of magazines, but sadly they are just as accepted as Cosmopolitan and other "women's mags" which teach women how to objectify themselves, not to mention their TV equivalents.

I am baffled by the continuing stream of bad advice these magazines give, from seemingly inexperienced sex-desperate men. Take this article, for example, on role-playing:

For the record, I don't know what I would do if my boyfriend tried to spray my nether regions with a water pistol, but getting turned on would probably not be it...

That said, there are better reasons to hate these magazines. Namely poor selection of content. For example, here's an adbusters review of Maxim's Women of the Israeli Defense Forces (no shit):
Pretty grim stuff.

What really makes me sick is that the owners of these mags are bloody rich, while the (wo)man power behind magazines like Bitch is certainly more deserving of all that cold, hard cash. I'm not sure what the solution here is, however. How do we go about getting people to think critically about what they read? Aside from free college tuition?

OK... I am unsure about the

OK... I am unsure about the anonymouses but it appears that no (or maybe a couple) of men have replied to this.

I found this link via my liberal cousins blog. I love her to pieces and this was linked from her blog. I was intrigued... why puke all over something??

So, the top 10... is this supposed to be serious?? I mean, even as a joke, it is fairly pathetic, juvenile and not funny.

If it is actually meant to be a helpful guide, well, holy crap. I really hope is supposed to be satirical or humorous and just failed.

BTW they have a guide to 'sexually 'come on' to a woman' and the hints come straight from a Jr. High playbook. So sad.

This makes me so sad. Thanks

This makes me so sad. Thanks for pointing out this ridiculous B.S.


i don't know...that role playing stuff seemed pretty sexy to me ;o)

"A good idea would be to

"A good idea would be to make a belt with bananas hiding your crotch area. Slowly remove a banana at a time and peel it, dip it into some pudding and make her take a bite of it. When you get to the last banana, peel it and hold it against your crotch, mimicking your penis. Make her suck on your banana like she wants it. She will definitely want to rip you apart by this time."

How are we supposed to lose weight when they're shoving dozens of pudding-coated bananas down our throats?!


Everyone knows that women like honesty. Thats why i just tell women straight up that they are fat.

And that's when I tell my

And that's when I tell my boyfriend straight up that he won't be getting any for a long time.

"NyteHawx says:Just be

"NyteHawx says:Just be blunt: "B!tch you fat. Lose weight." DONE. Women tells us bluntly to lose weight when we get pudgy; we should do the same to them."

Hey, this is the only thing that DOESN'T get my blood boiling. This person's comment, while ignorant, at least advocates honesty which is more than can be said for the article.


I actually went to read the original article - wow, it was surprisingly sickening. What's worse is that it reinforces the fact that women who are overweight are unlovable and disgusting, and that men could only want to stay with a woman who was thin. One of the worst parts? The fact that at several points the article reveals that women might see through the "ploy" but go along - because she accepts the criticism. Can you imagine an article titled "How to subtly tell him he's needs to lose weight" and how men would respond?

This reads the same way a

This reads the same way a lot of the hatemail found on sites like maddox.xmission.com does. Primarily in that your taking the site way to seriously. Askmen is not CNN nore the BBC, what your reading is not news, fact or in many cases even particularly/remotely serious.
You're on the Internet, the difference between satire and reality isn't necessarily always going to be spelled out, so take what you read which a pinch of salt and it will probably start to make a little more sense.

Oh it's a boy from

Oh it's a boy from askboyz.com eh?
It's not just the internet that's saying these kinds of things, it's everywhere, and it's getting really old.
God, it's like, if you're not skinny then you can't be happy or loved. It's rediculous. I don't understand why everyone's so obsessed with weight. Aren't there far more important things in the world?
If yer not skinny and having lots of sex with strangers while drunk then you can't be happy.
Oh and I hope I never go out with any guys like that! Hopefully they get a pyshco bitch as their girlfriend.

Two way street

way to turn a debate into petty name calling, go you!
you deplore being judged by your sex but are more than happy to judge someone by their age? horray for hypocrisy!
I've often noticed in femminist debates that everyone gets really angry (rightly so) about words such as 'girl' and 'women' when used in a negative way but that it's fine to slur someone by refering to them as 'boy'. Apparently young men are incapable of rational thought? In the mine field of political correctness that these debates are, this one seems to have slipped through.

It's hard to take you

It's hard to take you seriously when you don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're', and use 'to' instead of 'too'. Thanks for the great hints about satire, though...


And I mean the article. What pisses me off the most is that the women in the images look fine--beautiful, even--and it really sickens me that they're being displayed as "disgusting" overweight women. The sad thing is they probably consented to being photographed like this.

I hate that website so much. I don't think I've seen as many articles filled with such misogynistic bullshit. One of the writers pretty much does nothing but complain about how hard it is to be a man these days, and how women only care about men's money and so you have to bargain with them to get sex. He clearly sees all women as his enemies.


Now all the women I love are fat and know it. all our communications about that and other things are direct and honest. Oh yes I cary some extra lard too.

for Shame

It's true that people partially choose potential mates based on physical indicators of not only "attractiveness" (symmetry, averageness) but specifically signs of "fertility" (fit, not fat free, bodies), however many times people say what they're attracted to and these things do not change with weight gain-- eyes, lips, smile, style, personality. A relationship completely based on looks is called superficial. Or Lust. While being overweight can put you at risk of something bad happening, there needs to be an existing genetic predisposition to that bad something for it to actually occur. While letting somebody you love know that they are changing physically such that your attraction isn't the same is ok, being unnecessarily condescending will only make a person feel unworthy and lead to a body dismorphic disorder. Are any decent guys really doing these things? HAHA, no; They don't need to find excuses for rude and oppressive behavior, because real men aren't so immature and ignorant. But obviously Askmen is. yay.

Shame, shame, shame, I know your name...

That is so sad, to try to control and change other people through shame, or fake concern.
I used to be thin, now I have a big ol belly. I grew over the years, and have dealt with various stages of self loathing and acceptance. I have had many friends and relatives try to shame me and advise me and "inspire" me into being thin again, I have had formerly obese people share their stories, still I don't over eat, I'm not lazy by any means, I'm even a vegetarian juicer, and very healthy, I just have a bear like build. I have a partner of ten years who is totally supportive of my form and still attracted to me. The idea that people would operate from such a shallow place shocks me. when any of these tricks are pulled on me (most of them have) I confront the attacker right then and there and try to make them see how absurd their prejudice is.
I wish all women did.
We should measure our bodies not by whether they conform to the current standard of beauty but by what they allow us to do.

Thank you: "We should

Thank you: "We should measure our bodies not by whether they conform to the current standard of beauty but by what they allow us to do."

People easily forget in a quest to look perfect what our bodies are meant to do. I am a moderately active person who carries a some extra weight, but I've never been tiny, even when competing on a team that required (easily) 20+ hours a week of intense exercise. The female standard of beauty is thin (but has breasts) willowy (but not too tall), whereas I've always been a solid 5'10".

I've gone through the process of wishing I were thin, tiny, "perfect"... but every time I go through that it feels as though I'm taking my healthy body for granted. I'm strong, able, have no health problems. Still, I'm going to hate this body that allows me to walk, run, play, laugh and experience the world around me because it doesn't conform to another person's made-up standard?

After a period when I basically loathed my body, I woke up one day and realized I couldn't hate myself. I apologized to my body, this physical manifestation of ME that allowed me to overcome several injuries with relative ease. I try to take care of myself, but if I have a chocolate bar, so what? If there are days when my clothes fit tighter, who cares? As long as I feel good about myself and keep my health in mind anyone who wants to tell me otherwise can kiss my dimpled, white butt.

Good for you, MJ


I mean, really, now. When you consider that "normal" adult females range in height from, what? 5'2" ish to 5'10" or so? And you have ladies with thin bone structure and ladies with heavier bone structure mixed in there, as well as those with differing muscular development - How ridiculous is it to expect them ALL to be the same weight? Let alone to expect them all to conform to the LOWER end of that weight spectrum? It's astonishingly stupid, imo.

Good for you, MJ, and on all the other women who realized that healthy, capable, and happy is just fine.

As for ask'boy'.com, well, I think 'men' who actually behave that way are doomed to end up either alone, or with a female that fits their juvenile criteria - which will be ample punishment, I'm sure, considering what kind of creature that would have to be.

I find this completely

I find this completely outrageous. And I completely agree 100% with the statement about how infantilizing some of these suggestions are. As unfortunate as it may be, a very large number of women are already extremely self-conscious about their body and weight. Therefore, we will notice before anyone else if we have packed on a few extra pounds, and we will more than likely already feel pretty shitty about it. The fact that askmen.com even makes the suggestion that they need to REMIND us when we're getting heavier makes us out to sound like ten-year-olds that need to be told how to live our lives and make healthy choices. Unless your partner is consistently becoming more unhealthy over time, or has gained an extreme amount of weight and seems to be doing nothing about it, there is no need to even bring it up, I say. We're grown women and are perfectly capable of stepping on a scale. Also, these suggestions put forth the assumption that she is gaining weight because she is sneaking second helpings and shoving twinkies down her throat when he's not looking! Weight gain can also be a manifestation of several health problems, such as a horomone imbalance, thyroid malfunctions, pregnancy (not necessarily a problem), excess water weight, etc. Exactly how sensitive would it be to cut the legs of a chair when your girlfriend has no idea why she's gained weight?

The fact that askmen.com

<i> The fact that askmen.com even makes the suggestion that they need to REMIND us when we're getting heavier makes us out to sound like ten-year-olds that need to be told how to live our lives and make healthy choices.</i>

Yeah, it's kind of like a ten-year-old telling an adult how to live because the ten-year-old assumes that adults think the same way they do.

The review I wrote of askmen.com on stumbleupon.com

19 months ago I said "We've all seen those women's magazines in the checkout line in the store... Cosmo, Glamour, etc.

Meet those magazines' male counterpart: AskMen.com."

WHO KNEW I was giving them TOO MUCH CREDIT!

Askmen.com is a fucking joke. I'd think it were satire if it were even remotely funny. FUCK THEM.

Somewhat off-topic

When I saw AskMen come up on Bitch I said to myself, "why does that name sound familiar?" And I realized it's because there's a sort of sad rush of fans to the website to write letters to celebrities they like, such as <a href="http://gumbaby.com/?p=16">Tyra Banks.</a> (That's the relevant post on my blog, with a link to AskMen -- I keep track of sites where commenters are deeply confused about the topic of the post, as data for my dissertation.) Many of these comments are from young girls who idolize the celebs in question. Fortunately (?) if my research on sites like these gives any indication, the young girls leaving comments aren't actually *reading* what's written on AskMen...

I sort of wonder, how much traffic does a site like AskMen actually get? It seems like another pathetic knockoff of something like IMDB, to me. That's the thing about new media -- they're not mass media, like the old media. So the effect they have on shaping culture is generally not as strong, I think.

All it comes down to is that

All it comes down to is that men don't want to screw women they aren't attracted to because they are, presumably, superficial. And why wouldn't they be attracted to someone with extra weight, you ask? Well some men are attracted to women with a few extra pounds. But not, apparently, the ones who read askmen.com. Those guys in reality do not have girlfriends. Trust me on this one.

note to askmen.com

I was so disgusted I left a comment, but I also took the time to send them feedback directly to their site managers. I'll let you know if, and what kind, of response I get back.

More fun than expressing our

More fun than expressing our unhappiness at askmen would be to come up with how the female victim should retaliate.

Just joking

They're prolly just joking for their readership. However, all it does is reinforce a stereotyping of men. They are caricatures of themselves. Maybe I'm being naive, but most men simply don't act that way, in that mean spirit. However, if a man was unable to talk about the issue maturely (and I can't imagine a mature man subscribing to that website if every article is like that) then it no longer remains pointless humor. It is helpless and mean.


I think its both hilarious and pathetic that men have such problems with strong emotions, points of view, or even talking about feelings, that they immediately jump to the same bullshit routine that they have for years, "too emotional, hypersensitive, overreacting" etc. I mean really, you can't even sit down and tell your wife/girl in a nice, RESPECTFULway how you feel about something? Even if it is her weight? Yes her feelings might get hurt a little bit, but I think most women would really just appreciate an honest, open, respectful discussion about ANYTHING. I mean my god, grow up, and quit being such a freaking pig about everything! And just because you freak out whenever your girlfriend/wife expresses any strong emotion does not mean there is something wrong with her or that she is "overreacting". It simply means that she feels strongly about something, and you are too much of a dipshit to handle hearing it.


Thank you! I wish men could understand that just because we get upset about something they say, dosn't mean they shouldn't have said it. They think because we get sad or pissed about something, it means we can't handel it, maybe we just handel things differently (ie. not sitting there silently with a blank look on our faces, a look I'm sure ALL striaght women have seen many times before). All of this is why I've recently gone from considering myself 'gay leaning bisexual', to LESBIAN. I can't take all the blank stares, stupid assumptions, and hipocracy anymore, women may be tough sometimes, but that's nothing compared to the hell I've endured attemting top be in hetero relationships. I like men, they are just as good/bad as women, but honestly, they just seem stupid to me, totally vacant when it really comes down to it, I KNOW this can't be true though, so I suppose society is to blame for making them act this way/seem this dumb. EMOTION IS NOT GOING TO KILL YOU! Infact, holding everything in is FARRRR more unhealthy.

(and did anyone read that roleplaying post on askmen that someone linked to? WOW, most of those sounded like rape, molestation, or at least horrible exploitation... if that's what staright women enjoy, I'm DEFINATLY not striaght... paint her up like a whore/doll then make her parade around the room untill you've seen enough, and fuck the shit out of her...hmmm, sounds like a GRRRREAT time, where do I sign up!?!)

Your comment is so demeaning

Your comment is so demeaning to women in general, I am appalled.

I confess I actually laughed

I confess I actually laughed at this article because it was so bad.

Here's a small sample my reaction:

"Buy her clothes that are too small “Oh,” you might say, “I thought you were a size 8. Isn’t that what you were last summer?” The onus is now on her to do something about it".
- No, actually, the onus is on you to return the fucking shirt and stop trying to control her wardrobe. The only onus on her is to kick you out of her fucking house.

"Set out on your own weight loss plan
By referencing yourself in any plans to lose weight, you’re also subtly telling her that you’re not the only one who might benefit from a diet"
- way to be passive aggressive, baby. Wait. Lemme just get comfy on the couch with my popcorn while I watch your manly man bits straining and sweating and grunting. Ooooo, that's nice. Now lemme see ya eat those carrots. Awww, you're so cute!

"Serve her unsatisfactory portions
If you feel as though you’re starving yourself in the process, remember you can always go back for more when she’s not looking".
- Because you're an asshole with double standards, and you certainly don't want to feel her pain, just give her some

"Ask her to wear an old dress
Follow it up by telling her how good she looked in those days, and maybe she’ll make it her mission to get back to that size"
- Or maybe she'll make it her mission to shut you up by getting rid of you, since you clearly don't care about her.

Sabotage her chair
Sometimes as men we have to get downright nefarious to get what we want.
- Of course when women do that, we call the cops or sue them, because they're dangerously manipulative bitches, but in our case, we're not assholes, we're just exercising creative morality

I stumbled upon this story

I stumbled upon this story and after reading it I had... to visit Askmen.com to know what you are talking about. After having visited it for 10 minutes I've come to the next conclusion.

Now that I still have control over my mind it's my wish to shoot me when I start behaving like that...
If those really are men I must be alien and most people I know as men must be aliens too.

And yes... I know guys that behave like the ones we're discussing.
It's funny to see the looks once I've asked 'm whether they still would be able to walk forwards when they would be born with their genitals on their back.

By looking at the amount and type of ads on askmen.com I guess the main target group is one that is insecure and fantasizes a lot.

I sent the list to my

I sent the list to my boyfriend, who I know will get a laugh out of it too. Fortunately, the men worth having around are the ones who don't read askmen.com, and who are responsible and mature enough to have a frank conversation when there's a need.

Oh, and didja see this one too? http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-big-budget-porns.html In my opinion, it destroys askmen's credibility even further. All we can do is laugh at them.

It gets better

Oh oh! And this one too! It's even better. Get this-- askmen.com is CELEBRATING Women's History Month! And guess how. A top 10 list of hottest historical women.

"During Women’s History Month, we’d like to celebrate an aspect of historical females often overlooked by historians: their hotness. Powerful women throughout history have used their beauty as well as their intelligence to get ahead. It’s something successful modern women continue to do today."

.... Because we all know to be a successful modern women in today's post-feminist society, you gotta be a hottie.

After reading this article,

After reading this article, clicking over to askmen.com, and skimming through the comments, one theme that keeps popping up is the issue of 'adult' communication: some commenters say that's what should happen; some fling right back that it doesn't work because women are equally manipulative and deceptive, not to mention emotionally irrational.

To me, this highlights the fundamental problem of many relationships today--an utter dearth of honest, frank communication. If a couple isn't used to candor in their relationship, when one person blatantly says, "Honey, I'd like it if you lost some weight," it likely will backfire. If, however, the precedent of ingenuous conversation exists, then blunt (but kind) statements can lead to creativity, collaboration, and goal setting ("Okay, let's eat vegan one night a week and take walks together after dinner"). Instead, though, we are left to work with the model that pop culture and askmen.com gives us: your partner should be able to either intuit your wants/needs/whims or should understand (and not be offended by) your obtuse hints.

Now I know I am wandering in the land of unicorns and mermaids here, but wouldn't it have been amazing if askmen.com had put out an article about creating the fundamental trust in a relationship so that honest, open communication can ensue. Somehow, I think that would have been infinitely more useful, maybe even subliminally encouraging men to loosen their death-grip on 'masculinity' as they see the positive results of a mutually respectful and open relationship. I know--too Xanadu, but a girl can dream...

After reading the comments

Gender is a social construct much like beauty. In my mind the question becomes not what do we do with men who may actually try this but how to we get both men and women into a position of mutual respect based on the individual? That is how do we value the individual and the individuals talents above some structure (gender) based on a genetic difference (sex); the impact of which we do not understand because it is so immersed in culture.

Unfortunately as a graduate student I am not sure that the college system as it stands with its dominance of male faculty particularly in the more senor positions can be considered as the solution, if there is a single solution

"Now I am all for people

"Now I am all for people feeling comfortable enough in relationships to be honest when they would like their partner(s) to improve their health and appearance. If you are with someone who has gained weight, you have every right to mention it in a respectful way. You also have every right to not care one bit about it. Whatever works, right? The key is to have an adult, respectful conversation about it instead of trying to trick or embarrass someone into changing her/his lifestyle. (I am sure that you savvy Bitch readers are way ahead of me on that one, though.)"

... example please? I was sent this article from a friend but to be honest it seems nothing more then a rant, with no practical information for either side on how to approach this topic. All you gave is a general common sense answer that any man or woman could regurgitate.

I'm all for equality, but I don't understand the point of singling out an article in a men's magazine and writing about it. Aren't there more important issue's to discuss?

Don't venture too far into that site...

If you think that was bad, you should check out more "articles" on that shitty excuse for a website.

I have a lot of people tell me that the site is "satire" but I find that hard to believe.

From my standpoint, they are a bunch of woman hating, beasts. Honestly, I have no idea why they even bother with women, they obviously hate them. Any woman that would have anything to do with them is a fucking idiot to say the least.

Go find the article about "putting a woman in her place" or something to that nature. You think this is sick? You haven't seen anything, yet.

The problem with

The problem with writing this article off as satire is that there are men (perhaps women too) out there who take it seriously, maybe not to the point of loosening the screws on their girlfriend's chair, but enough to try one or two of the suggestions. This article practically gives tips on how to psychologically abuse their significant other.

It's the same as it is with verbal abuse - it may not be as cut and dry as actual physical abuse but damage is being done.

It's not right.


The comments posted here are as interesting to me as the article. Obviously not everyone reading and posting to this site is a feminist. I guess we have our share of "haters" too.

The flip side of this is a positive: Even people who do not agree are reading BITCH and thinking about it. Good for them. Maybe one day they can accept themselves and their partners with love.

banal bull

go back to preschool, buy your own crayons(since the govt is too cheap), get on the yellow brick road, flip off all the wizard of oz freaking weird characters,whoever wrote that crap was on acid anyway) and furthermore who gives a damn anyway. americans are 80 PERCENT OBSESE, so put on some hot stripping music, no pole or friends needed, just you and ditch the freaking do-nuts.

quit bitching over stupid banal bullshitpoint being we aren't in the land of freakin oz, iys a freakin damn stupid ass fantasy.get real.

How about you go back to

How about you go back to school and learn English. Regardless of the content of your comment, the way you wrote it (OBSESE? what?) makes you come off uneducated and not worth taking seriously.

On the bright side

Hey ladies,

On the bright side, look at how few "diggs" and votes that article over at askmen.com got. :) Clearly it's only a very small number of people would consider doing any of these things! If your man does however, he may not be worth your time.

I not find it acceptable for

I not find it acceptable for a man to comment on my weight in any fashion, subtly or in a "mature adult conversation". I simply don't think it is any of his business. If your wife/girlfriend wants to know what you think of her bodyweight, she will ask you, or you will have established a relationship in which you both find it acceptable to comment on these things. You do not have the right to comment about it otherwise. And it is totally patronising to lie about it if she does ask.

And I don't like the idea-and I think it is part of the heteronormative idea- that all romantic relationships require you to be sexually attracted to the other person, especially when they postulate a sexual arising predominantly on the physicality of the other person. I think asexual romantic relationships are equally meaningful, and I don't think your sexual attraction to your partner waning or increasing through time should result in the destruction of your relationship.

I think the view that sex is a necessary part of life, and a necessary part of a loving relationship is a flaw in our approach to relationships. Some people simply are not sexually attracted to anyone/ have no sex drive/ have some medical problem which prevents them from having sex. The assumptions made in a sex-positive society about this, and the view that a "healthy" relationship is a sexual one, is as problematic as the view that a "healthy" relationship includes a man and a woman.

I also think it's quite shallow if your attraction is easily altered by changes in the physicality of the person. It is, quite simply, a narrow and inaccurate view of human attraction. Sex in a romantic relationship is supposed to be about connection first-its recreational component is both secondary and unnecessary to a meaningful relationship.

Also, the entire concept of asking men about relationships with women necessarily based on the idea of trying to achieve a goal dishonestly or in a way that does not reflect the needs/ desires of a woman? Otherwise, why would you not ask women? Unless you are the sort of twat who thinks women don't know what they want.

I am annoyed

that there is no edit button.


I'm 53, married 29 years. My partner and I agree that, to work, a long term relationship requires total honesty, including a willingness to make oneself vulnerable to the other, deliberate communication, trust, commitment, respect, sincere concern for the partner's happiness, deliberate effort to seeing things from the other's viewpoint, and a willingness to compromise if necessary.

Beyond those basics for intimacy, though, needs are varied, and that variety needs to be realized before judging others' values and motives. What may seem shallow to one person is a priority to someone else, and is so not necessarily by conscious choice.

Sexual needs are no different. I agree, Grace, that sexual attraction is not necessarily a need in a relationship. Sexual needs and libidos widely differ among people -- some are born asexual, some bisexual, some homosexual, some heterosexual; and even within those and other "categories", libidos and what is found attractive ranges. Sexual needs can also change through a lifetime. Societies, for many reasons, stamp certain ranges of sexuality as "normal", unfortunately, conditioning their people to view variant sexualities as "disorders". Open-mindedness means shaking off those societal preconceptions and evaluating all sexual varieties objectively.

Within the wide diversity of individual sexual needs and libidos, physical attraction is one of the elements. It's true that for some, physical attraction has no part. That's not "wrong" or "disordered", necessarily -- for example,a lifetime asexual may be that way by birth and genetics.

However, it's also not "wrong" that many are born with physical attraction as a significant part of their sexual needs. It's not necessarily "shallow" -- it's simply part of their genetics. For them to be sexually satisfied depends, in a larger part, on having sex with a partner whom they find physically attractive.

If the partner whom they originally found attractive changes to a point outside the range which they find physically attractive, it's not merely because they're "shallow" -- it's because they're biological. Certainly they can choose to continue the relationship -- as my spouse and I can testify, a flourishing long-term relationship (and I mean one that lasts more than ten years) is founded on and sustained by emotional, psychological, intellectual, and philosophical intimacies, not primaried upon sex -- but, that doesn't alter the fact that their own sexual satisfaction is diminished or frustrated.

So, while I agree that sex is not an absolute need for any and all relationships, and I agree that physical attractiveness doesn't need to matter for healthy relationships, since sexual needs biologically and gentically vary; I also believe that someone accounting physical attractiveness important is not at all shallow -- it's what their particualr biology insists upon.

Certainly biology can to ignored and suppressed, but, that doesn't change the fact that biology IS. Within the scope of a relationship which had originally included physical attraction as an important component, a woman whose partner had gained or lost weight to the point of no longer being physically attractive would definitely affect her sexual fulfillment. Within the parameters of that relationship, her partner's weight certainly would be her business to address.

BTW -- my partner is 47, 5'2", and 166 pounds, and I find her irresistibly attractive, as much so to me as when I met her 31 years ago when she weighed 115 lbs. I'm 5'8", 169, a bodybuilder (who thinks most over-40 men look unnecessarily disgusting!) -- she really couldn't care less what I look like!

The Askmen article? Haven't read it...but, don't need to, in light of the excerpts from it I read here. Any advice advocating manipulation, dishonesty, tactlessness, or callousness as tools for a long-term relationship is advice on how to destroy relationships. Askmen's type of male is one-half of why too many relationships flounder and sink.

Those bastards!!!!!!!WHO THE

Those bastards!!!!!!!WHO THE HELL DO THEY THINK THEY ARE!!!!they just want us to slim down for their esexual needs, are we anything else but sexaul toys to them////our wourld is getting so sad, i swear, where are the real men in those world?

Askmen is "gross-out" humor,

Askmen is "gross-out" humor, crudely funny, but neither realistic nor practical. It also leaves the issue of fat men out - plenty of men don't take care of themselves, but expect their female partners to. I can't tell you how many times completely overweight, out of shape "men" have flirted with me, hoping for a relationship, when it obviously shows that I eat right and hit the gym. I take care of myself, and so should my partner (which, thankfully, he does. And when one of us "falls off the wagon," we make a point to exercise together to help get back on track, sometimes creating a whole date around some sort of physical activity.)

It's the Donald Trump syndrome. Ugly guy, hot wife. You bet if the circumstance was reversed, people would be saying the husband got gypped.

Of course, being accepting of a partner's unattractiveness, or finding the person inside more important than their appearance outside, can cut both ways. Women may be more open-minded, which has led to a culture of out of shape men. Men, on the other hand, have become more narrow-minded, which has led to a culture of ridiculous, often unattainable standards for the female form (and subsequent unhappiness when they can't look "that way").

weight gain

I am a married woman who is aware of the fact that I am
overweight. It bothers me that men are stupid enough to think
that a woman is not aware of our weight gain. My husband has been nothing but suppotive and understanding. I think these men who read these articles are probably just insecure about themselves and feel the need to redirect it toward the women in their lives. It's pathetic.

Askmen.com is

Askmen.com is repulsive.

Publications like this are the reason my girlfriend is overly conscious of her weight (thinking she's fat when she isn't at all and even if she was, who cares) and it frustrates me to no end. Ugh.

To the anonymous hater who hopes our boyfriends hit us...

Did we go to middle school together? Were you one of the guys who used to follow me down the hall yelling "Harpoon the whale!"? If so, I have a very large therapy bill I'd like to send you.

I don't think askmen.com is

I don't think askmen.com is that bad. Sure, there are plenty of terrible articles (I mean, I found one about female social awkwardness that got me mental), but there are other articles that are pretty good. Is true, askmen.com is like the male Cosmopolitan; it features plenty of useless junk, but some extremely useful articles (very few, but very good).

Hmm most of you seem to be very thick

That article is meant as satire. Its also designed to provoke anyone who is hard-coded with political correctness..... My what a failure its been :).

The reason these websites are so immature is because a thoughtful, mature and masculine magazine would make its founders bankrupt within months. You sell to the market you have.

You should avoid puking to lose weight. It makes your breath stink and erodes your teeth (Both of which will get you dumped anyway)

Best. Header. Ever.

I'm just sayin.

I now recall why I'm too

I now recall why I'm too scared to date. I there's actually lots of reasons why I'm scared to date, but this takes the cake....

If a guy means well and generally cares about his lover's health for her sake instead of his need of visual stimulation, why does he need to sneak around and possibly injure her (chair stunt I remind)?

A mature couple that actually cares about each other would talk things out and look at programs they could do together to sort out their mental, emotional and physical health.

This is truly sad...smh if

This is truly sad...smh if your in a relationship with someone and she has your baby and yes she will gain weight during and more than likely still have the weight after will you bitch at her to loose weight then too?? if you really love someone would you make fun of them and degrade them and do some of the things on this page? no you wouldnt my man has been there for me and i have gained alot of weight since we have been together guess what?? he loves the weight ive put on and we have sex al ot more too hmmmmm maybe your lil trash and yes i called it trash only speaks to selfish lil boys that dont even know the true meaning of LOVE?? you will find yourself by yourself if you do any of these things on this page lmao go ahead men try it trust me women do talk and you will only have the company of your left or right hand for those looong lonely nights lmao

You know, because magazines

You know, because magazines like Cosmopolitan and Seventeen haven't been doing similar things for years and years. Now that men are trying to get in on taking quizzes and learning how to drop passive aggressive hints, it's simply going too far.

Nice reality check.

And just to prove your point:


Which is one of like thousands I've found.

Hey, people who are upset with the ask men article, here's something crazy: People have the right to want to be attracted to their partner, men or women. Wow! Oh my god!


I sometimes wonder if publications written from a self-consciously feminine/ist perspective think publications written from a self-consciously masculine one should even <i>exist</i>. honestly, askmen does not favor its target gender any more than bitch does.


I wouldn't take that askmen.com article too seriously. I'm pretty sure it's just obnoxious humor.

All of Askmen.com is

All of Askmen.com is extremely offensive. If a conservative, traditionalist man agrees with something on bitchmagazine.org, you know it's gotta be true.

I'm sick of "obnoxious humor"

I'm sick of "obnoxious humor" that demeans women. They need to get some originality or STFU.


This is possibly the most horrible thing I have read! If a man had done any of this to me I would have happily dumped him and made sure that every woman I know, knew about this so that he would not get any action! Stephen says man the harpoons huh! I wonder, what are the things that women could do to shame a man! Let's start with size shall we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10 ways to subtly want to puke all over askmen.com

Yes, that is one website that is decidedly puke worthy. As for that article of their about making their girlfriend think they're too fat, ack! There was a movie done in the 40s called Gaslight where the husband attempts to make his wife think she's going insane by playing tricks on her that seem very similar to that article. Pathetic, eh? I say we women should go over to askmen.com and post all sorts of things slamming them lol

Askmen is disgusting, no

Askmen is disgusting, no doubt about it. People don't realize what this kind of "shaming" can do. I can't believe how meanspirited it is. A friend of mine has an eating disorder, horrible self image. She used to be bigger, and i wouldn't be surprised if her poor body was a direct consequence of the way people kept "subtlely" shaming her about it. Now her health is suffering because she is way too thin. She told me once of a long term boyfriend who kept commenting on her looks. Once, as she was thinking of ordering fried food when with him, he laughed (as if it was funny) and said "i like you the size you are, thank you very much". gah

You know what they say

The internet:
where all men are losers, all women are men, and all children are the FBI.

But askmen is a horrible site. I hate it when websites make top ten lists with each item on a separate page in order to whore out their banner ads as much as possible. So irritating. Furthermore, they are both stuck up and not funny... at all.

Kind of unfortunate

that you kind of helped askmen.com by linking to their site in this article. How many page views do you think they received from this critique?

Just another example of lazy,

Just another example of lazy, shallow journalism. Sabotaging the woman-you-love's chair as a subtle and considerate way of making her feel just a little bit less adequate than she already does has been removed now (with a glib apology in place) but the whole article is hateful.
I wonder if the author of the piece is as gorgeous as he clearly expects all women to be?

Why Aren't I King of the World?

Any 'man' who turns to AskMen, Maxim, GQ, or the rest of those rags is a total clown. Entertaining? Maybe a bit - while waiting in the checkout line. But for advice? Come on. It seems like both men and women are on a downward spiral in terms of behavior. But as usual, men are leading the charge. And I'm a man by the way.

Basically, I wouldn't want my sisters with the kind of guy who reads these magazines and spends his time trying to manipulate women. There are SO MANY guys like this, it is beyond daunting. But, there are alot of decent guys too. Finding them is tough. But some advice...the guy who comes on to you is probably the Maxim reader. The guy who won't...is probably the one YOU should go after.

What kind of a guy who is Twenty-five and above gets his guidance from anything other than family and heart? Crazy that I can't beat these clowns in the business world.

Peace out ladies!

I was once skimming through

I was once skimming through their articles and found a few very disturbing ones. One was about how to convince her to have anal sex when she doesn't want to (which is incredibly disturbing) and another was about convincing her into having a threesome by making her think you're doing it for her. Seems like only freaks would go to that site for any sort of advice. I like to believe that most men are not sadistic nutcases like the ones that write those articles. In fact, I'm pretty sure the men who write those articles were once victims of severe psychological and perhaps physical abuse, because that is not normal behavior. I would certainly never date a douche like that. Thankfully my man is a normal good guy. And that's the end of my rant.

I thought I was going insane

Thank you for this article. Lately whenever I am searching for articles on relationships askmen comes up. It seriously makes me lose all hope for mankind. This article tells me that we haven't all regressed into animalistic morons that are unable to distinguish between rape and consentual sex or a relationship and forced servitude. Ironically I prefer traditional roles as my own personal preference, but askmen makes me hate men and reflect on this. I think it boils down to kindness. If a guy is kind and respectful, then I like to do things that show I care, like making awesome food. But if a guy thinks I should do that to desrve his affection well then I might as well become a nun, because that is crap.

Askmen bugs me too

Thanks Kelsey, I wholeheartedly agree and thank you for writing this article. As a man I find the AskMen "advice" to essentially say I should become a player and manipulate women into sleeping with me. I find it immature at best and sociopathic at worst. Mostly it's just laughable. So if I am lucky enough to find a woman who is real, then according to another one of their ridiculous articles, I should dump her if there are any one of these "red flags":

* "She has a cat" (1 cat = 100% red flag). My impending divorce may be for several reasons, but it was NOT because of the cat!!

* "She's never had a one night stand (I take that as a good thing!) / smoked pot/ drinks beer at sporting events". Ok, what's wrong with beer?!

* "She doesn't have any dateable friends", which is immediately followed by, "She doesn't understand that men are naturally wired to be polygamists"

Glad to know others think this site is shallow tripe! Take care and enjoy the holidays.


Thanks for this post. Good to

Thanks for this post. Good to know there are lot of women out there who hate this website. Every time I have an argument with my husband, he brings up this stupid post on askmen which tells about top 10 types of women to avoid. Why? Because, according to him I force him to listen to me, or talk to me when we are having an argument, so that implies that I'm taking away his independence or forcing him to focus on me. According to me, when there is a heated argument between a couple, they are supposed to talk and sort it out. Most men are already jerks and this website motivates them to become even worse jerks.


Ugh. I agree completely. I have recently visited the website Askmen.com and was repulsed by what I saw. In particular, this article - http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip/you-deserve-a-break.html . It openly states that so called 'chick-checking' (WE ARE HOMO SAPIENS HERE, NOT BLOODY CHICKENS) is perfectly fine - "Hey, as long as we're trying not to be obvious, our girlfriends should let it slide." and "Asking her to show some skin" is acceptable. The fact that this stereotypes both men and women as fickle, superficial people is just too much. Women shouldn't be shamed for being comfortable in their own skin, and feeling as if they have to live up to anybody else's standards. Hey, maybe we should bombard them with pictures of realistic women, with maybe a little bodily hair thrown in? :) Surely it would repulse these controlling creatures? Although poorly concealed, these people are clearly shaming women for being beautiful, natural bodies. Other topics on the website involve sexual positions designed purely to give the man pleasure, and how to get yourself dumped rather than doing the dirty work yourself - rather a cowardly idea, don't you think? All of the pictures on the website feature girls with tiny waists and massive boobs, and men with six-packs and perfect tans. Who the fuck do they think they are, trying to set god-awful societal standards? Beauty can deviate greatly from the social norms. Embrace your body and stand up to these shitty 'rules'. This is not a guide to life, it's a fucking disgrace to humanity. Awfully sorry if this is a poorly-written comment, but the anger radiating off of me right now....
Lily-Fleur Eliza, your faithful 14-year-old Riot Grrrl :)

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