Bitch Tapes: Pants Dance

Today’s Bitch Tapes was inspired by our clothing swap this week, where Portland supporters gathered, despite the late-May rain that we’re all slogging through, for the love of Bitch Media (oh yeah, and to take home some seriously cool, pre-loved duds).
From the days of sock garters and house coats, to Gaga and the Freakum Dress, getting ready to go in the twenty-first century can be an art form these days. (I for one, am glad to have grown up in a time when it not revolutionary for me to be wearing pants at all times.) Like a bird who can put on new feathers at will, clothes are a window into someone’s mood, their ‘tude, or just what was still clean enough to wear to work. That too.

I have, with the esteemed help of so many extremely talented Bitch Tape creators, compiled an 11-track list here that covers, from top to toe, the musical odes to clothes everywhere.

**Bonus points to any reader who submits a picture of her/himself wearing every item of clothing on the track list.**

Track list:
Raspberry Beret- Prince
By far the first song people thought of when asked for suggestions for this mix. Doubly appropriate because it has such a positive message: second hand clothes= totally hot.
Short Skirt, Long Jacket- Cake
I am oddly proud to know all the words to this song. Once you feel comfortable with the beat, intence air-drumming during the chorus is not optional.
Bad Sneakers- Steely Dan
Bad sneakers, good sneakers, holey sneakers, we all need a pair.
Freakum Dress- Beyoncé
Disclaimer: I had never seen this music video before asking for suggestions for the mix. I have now watched it upwards of 10 times too many and feel it may be necessary to officially designate something in my closet a freakum dress, regardless that nothing I have fits me like Beyoncé’s clothes fit her. And I’m ok with that. It takes a rainbow of freakum dresses to make the world go ‘round.

Pants- Lemuria
Sweet, upbeat, and, hey, I LOVE pants! Especially Parisian Pants. Did you know that that there is STILL a law on the books in Paris which makes it illegal for women to wear pants in public, lest they be mistaken for *gasp* men! Unless, they’re riding a bike or holding the reins of a horse that is. In May 2010, Nicolas Sarkozy asked parliament to look at outdated laws… the ban on pants being one of them. If/when the law is repealed, I call for a world pants day! You’re hearing it now, on Bitch.
Forever in Blue Jeans- Neil Diamond
I also love blue jeans! No mix about clothes could possibly be complete without a gracious nod to the lower(better?) half of a Canadian tuxedo.
First I Look at the Purse-Contours
Oh cheeses, I wish we were having another Bitch karaoke session this Friday,
Underwear- Magnetic Fields
Yeah, I’m all about wearing awesome underwear (and I don’t mean all sexy and stuff all the time, maybe just bright yellow like the sun that doesn’t shine in Portland anymore) and then going through my day occasionally thinking “Hey! My underwear is awesome! I can get through this! Yes.” Try it tomorrow, you’ll see what I mean.
Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)- The Hollies
One of my favorites from waaaay back in the day when I mobbed around to my after school job listening to the oldies station. Maybe if you’re too classic for the freakum dress, the little black dress is more your style.
These Boots Were Made for Walkin’- Nancy Sinatra
No thanks to Austin Powers, we’ve all heard this song one way or another. But do you know who designed the famous boots? Beth Levine, whose shoes are on exhibit at the Bellevue Art Museum for another week, is the genius behind the “comfortable high heel.” Yeah, I’m still not convinced, but her shoes sure are purty.

by Sara Stroo
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