BitchTapes: Crush Edition

Kelsey Wallace
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Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

It's Friday, and you know what that means: Time for another edition of BitchTapes! Because Spring (crush season) is upon us, I figured I'd put together a mix of songs you can send to your crush(es). In the "Kelsey's Got A Crush on You" mix you'll find a song for almost every crush occasion and gender/orientation combination.

The track list (I have added links to the lyrics, in case you'd like to do some serious crush research):

Crush on You Remix: Lil Kim feat. Lil Cease and Notorious B.I.G.

This song was the inspiration for the whole mix. I love how it's written from the perspective of someone who barely knows his/her crush, but who wants that person to know that he/she is really cool. I prefer the remix, because Lil Kim raps on it. Perfect for: Someone you've had your eye on from afar.

Suspended from Class: Camera Obscura

This song is the perfect combination of catchy and creepy. It's about hitting on someone who just didn't seem all that into it, and trying to explain yourself after the fact. Perfect for: A friend you came on to who denied your advances. They won't deny you anymore!

You Send Me: Sam Cooke

This is one of the cutest crush songs out there. The lyrics are innocent and sincere without being dorky, and who can resist Sam Cooke's voice? Your crush will be swooning in no time. Perfect for: That cutie you've been dating (once you're ready to take things to the next level).

I'm Still Your Fag: Broken Social Scene

This song is meant for a crush who just wouldn't come out of the closet. Sure, he might be happily at home with his wife and kids, but you won't let him forget what the two of you had together. (I told you we'd try to find a song for almost every occasion, right? Plus, this was the song that my real-life crush suggested when I told him about this mix, and you know how that goes.) Perfect for: Your gay, closeted, married lover. We've all got one.

Make Out: Tender Forever

When life feels overwhelming, sometimes the only thing that can make you feel better is a little make-out time with your crush. Just try and resist Tender Forever when she sings "make out in my heart" at the end of the song; I dare you. Perfect for: Making out, of course. Or just pretending you are.

(Crazy For You But) Not That Crazy: The Magnetic Fields

Crushes can make us do pretty extreme things sometimes, but everyone's got their limit. I love the scenarios described in this song, like "I pretended you were Jesus you were just dying to save me / I stood beneath your window with my ukelele." All good things must come to an end, though. Perfect for: Your fading crush, to let them know you're through bending over backwards to win their affections.

You've Really Got A Hold On Me/Bring It On Home to Me: The Zombies

This is a great cover, and it has the added bonus of combining two amazing songs into one crushtastic jam. Sometimes crushes can feel like huge burdens (hence the name), and I think the lyrics of this song capture that feeling like no other. Perfect for: That unrequited crush you just can't shake.

Fists Up: The Blow

Once you've made a pass at your crush and he/she has rejected you (hey, it happens), the logical thing to do is to move on. However, when it comes to crushes, all bets are off. This song is about how, even though you know it's ridiculous, sometimes you just can't shake the feeling that if you wait long enough, your crush is going to change his/her mind and fall for you. Perfect for: That person you can't stop thinking about (even though he/she may have forgotten that you even exist).

Different Drum: Linda Ronstadt and the Stone Ponies

I tried to put these songs in logical crush-order, starting with the feeling you get when you first meet someone, and ending with the feeling you get when you just want said person to leave you alone. This is one of my favorite songs, and that's partly because it lets someone know you are no longer interested without being nasty or unpleasant. Plus, it was written by Mike Nesmith from The Monkees! Perfect for: That former crush who just won't take the hint.

So there you have it, a crush mix for crush season. What are the songs you'd like to send to your crushes?

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3 Comments Have Been Posted

This mix is crush worthy!

I'm going to make myself crush on someone hardcore just so I can justify blasting this BitchTape twenty-fo' seven.

New office crush? I think so!

I knew that your turn at BitchTapes would be epic and this totally lived up to my hopes and dreams. Any way you can DJ my life?

Fridays are usually tough,

Fridays are usually tough, but they wouldn't if you gonna listen to the bitch sex tapes! Once I met a list that worked for me better than any anti-depressant pill! That list promised to cure me during my break-up and it really did it! Who knows how it works? But I'm strongly convinced that music have a special impact on our mind. Recently, I've read about a research proving that music can even increase woman's breast size! :D

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