Douchebag Decree: The 10 Douchiest Reactions to the Sandy Hook Tragedy

"ye olde douchebag decree" in blue letters with a light blue hand-drawn douchebag in the background, and "BITCH HEREBY DECLARES THE FOLLOWING PERSON A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG" in small letters in red underneath.

Regardless of political leanings, gender, religion, or creed, you’d think we could all agree that what happened last week at Sandy Hook Elementary School was a national tragedy that deserves our sympathy and respect. You’d be wrong.

As it turns out, instead of rising to the occasion by sending a card or donating some money in response to the crisis, some people have chosen to act like mega douchebags. So many people, in fact, that I had a hard time choosing just one turbodouche on whom to bestow this week’s Decree. Thus, I present you with this Sandy Hook Douchebag Roundup.

Victoria Jackson with a bow on her headVictoria “Abortion is Mass Murder” Jackson, best known for her stint on Saturday Night Live, is also an anti-choice zealot. In an attempt to erase any memory of how charming she was in Casual Sex?, Jackson posted a quote on Facebook asking, “Wasn’t the Connecticut killer just doing what abortionists do every day?” A few days later, after she’s had a chance to get some perspective, Jackson REGRETS NOTHING.

When Barack Obama interrupted a football game to memorialize the Sandy Hook victims, racist “Get Off My TV” sports fans took to Twitter, hurling slurs and complaining that a game interruption of any kind was “unacceptable.” The offensive garbage they were spewing makes the guy who called Obama a “twerp” look like a humanitarian.

Bushmasters ad showing a gun and black block lettersAn ad for the same gun used at Sandy Hook, a Bushmaster, ran with the tagline: “Consider your man card re-issued.” A man card quiz was also a part of the campaign, encouraging potential customers to flex their masculinity and commit arson over a parking spot. The Man Card site is currently offline, but I couldn’t find an explanation or an apology anywhere, and, of course, the guns are still for sale with no mention of Sandy Hook.

Many were shocked by the events of last week, but not Mike “God Belongs in Schools” Huckabee. “We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools,” he said on Fox News. “Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?” Newt “God Belongs in Government” Gingrich agrees, adding that, “When you have an anti-religious, secular bureaucracy and secular judiciary, seeking to drive God out of public life, something fills the vacuum.” Sigh. Those two deserve each other.

Dennis RichardsonDennis “Arm the Teachers” Richardson—a representative, embarrassingly enough, from my own home state of Oregon—thinks concealed guns should be allowed in schools to prevent shootings like the one in Newtown, and he has a plan. A terrible plan that involves GUNS IN SCHOOLS. Joining him in this douche-filled belief is fellow representative Louie “More Guns” Gohmert of Texas, who wishes there’d been guns at Sandy Hook and thinks gun control is too “emotional” of a response. Aaand those two deserve each other too.

Attorney, dentist, noted birther, and douchebag Orly “I Blame Obama” Taiz claims Barack Obama was behind the shootings, so he can ban guns and “gain an absolute power.” Yeah, no.

You know what could have prevented the Sandy Hook shootings? No, and neither do I. But Charlotte “What About the Menz?” Allen thinks she knows: The problem was a lack of testosterone. “Male aggression can be a good thing, as in protecting the weak — but it has been forced out of the culture of elementary schools and the education schools that train their personnel,” she writes. “Think of what Sandy Hook might have been like if a couple of male teachers who had played high-school football, or even some of the huskier 12-year-old boys, had converged on Lanza.” Are you listening, husky 12-year-old boys? Your country needs you.

In the wake of the tragedy, many are questioning gun laws and ownership. Not so the National Rifle Association, which has not yet responded. It’s not hurting business, though, since people are signing up for the association in record numbers. Same goes for assault rifles. Everything is terrible.

by Kelsey Wallace
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Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

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31 Comments Have Been Posted

soooooo many typos and

soooooo many typos and grammar fails. The grammar nazi in me is cringing.

Agreed =/

Great piece! The list is terribly disheartening and infuriating. It would make much more of an impact without the typos and grammar issues though. :( It's hard to share this with people who agree with one of those douchebags, because of the writing. They can't take it seriously.

Which typos are you referring to?

As the editor of this piece, and a stickler for grammar myself, I'm afraid I'm not seeing the myriad grammatical fails and typos you are referring to. Are you bothered by Kelsey's writing style and colloquialisms like "Aaaand..."? Because those are intentional. Otherwise, do let us know what we can fix.


I actually only found one typo: "Should be be so.." should be "Should we be so..."
It's in paragraph 6.

Otherwise, everything looks fine. I don't know what those commenters were talking about.

Thanks for the catch!

I'm not sure what everyone is talking about either, but believe me: I take typo accusations VERY seriously! Fixing the "be be" now...

You have my copyediting seal

You have my copyediting seal of approval.

(Also, thanks for the roundup. Sad, at best. It's been hard to watch the coverage because of crap like this.)

So many people, in fact, that

So many people, in fact, that I had a hard time choosing just one turbodouche on whom to bestow this week's Decree. Thus, I present you with this Sandy Hook Douchebag Roundup.<a href="">Careless whisper sax</a> Bitch magazine is getting popularity day by day. i am regular reader of this magazine.They should be updated regularly.

That's all you can focus on

Really, with an article on this subject, grammar is what you're upset over? I found two typos, and that was with major scrutiny. (Also, I know it's a popular phrase, but I find "grammar nazi", just like "feminazi" or any other nazi comparison to be incredibly insulting to the real victims of Nazi atrocities and it has a way of trivializing the actual catastrophic and ugly effects of Nazi policies.)

Yes. Thank you.

Yes. Thank you.

with an article on this

with an article on this subject, grammar is what you're upset over? I found two typos, and that was with major scrutiny. (Also, I know it's a popular phrase, but I find "grammar nazi", just like "feminize" or any other Nazi comparison to be incredibly insulting to the real victims of Nazi atrocities. <a href= rel=”external”>viagra without prescription</a>

Great and infuriating list.

Great and infuriating list. I'll also note that Sandy Hook -- which will not reopen -- is K through 4th Grade. For husky 12-year-old boys to risk their lives to protect the other kids, they would have had to run over from the middle school. STFU, DOUCHEBAG.

What about the subtle suggestions that Asperger's is to blame?

First off, thanks for this article; it really puts these ridiculous comments into perspective. One thing I noticed was not touched upon was the controversy surrounding Adam Lanza’s supposed autism spectrum disorder. I enjoyed reading the BITCH series Double Rainbow in which an autistic woman wrote about various topics that related to autism… Does she have anything to say about this? If so, I know many people would like to hear it.

I am a graduate student at the University of Maine studying disability, philosophy and gender studies. I also have Asperger’s and here is my reaction to the media’s handling of Adam Lanza’s ASD: Please read and share. And please, if possible, give us another Double Rainbow especially focused on the Conn. shootings. Thank you!

Thank you for bringing this

Thank you for bringing this up. I don't know if Lanza was autistic; to me it doesn't matter. It reminds me of how when someone from a a marginalized community commits the same crime committed by someone not from a marginalized community, only the people from the marginalized community worry about a backlash against them as a whole (for example, Korean-American reactions to the Virginia Tech shootings, despite the fact that these shooters are usually overwhelmingly white). And, typically, non-neurotypical people and PWDs are usually the recipients of violence, not the perpetrators of it. In addition, blaming random and terrible acts of violence on non-neurotypical people both demonizes them (more than they are already!) and estranges from other factors that were at play: the fact that the shooter and his mother seemed so isolated from their community, how military-grade weapons are so easily accessible in this country, how guns are linked to the idea of (white) American masculinity... Mental healthcare might be a factor, but not in the way that we lazily and often dangerously assume it to be.


These people who argue that teachers/guards should bring guns to school... do they envision gun-toting, sharp-shooting cowboys capable of taking down a criminal in a couple clean shots? Clearly their idea of a shoot-out is distorted by pop culture.

In reality, a concealed weapon license carrier has subpar target practice and safety training, not to mention little to no experience in a crisis. These delusional cowboys would just make the situation worse by starting a shootout, potentially hurting more innocents in the process.

This past September, some guy in Dallas (with a conceal weapon license) accidentally shot someone in Walmart, when he dropped his gun and it fired. There are many other stories out there about armed citizens who mismanage their deadly weapons in public spaces, at the expense of innocents around them. So this list frightens me, compounded by the fact that my facebook feed has blown up with similar reactionary sentiments as the ones above. Let's not invite this ineptitude and danger into public schools. Please!

Yes! During the Columbine

Yes! During the Columbine incident, there were two armed school resource officers that exchanged gun fire with the two shooters as they were exiting the school, thereby sending the shooters back into the school to kill and wound more students. Since then, law enforcement has trained for active shooter incidents. Even if they are armed, untrained civilians are not going to solve any problems, but it seems that even with training, law enforcement hasn't been able to make a change.

The NYPD couldn't even take

The NYPD couldn't even take down the Empire State Building shooter without wounding 9 bystanders. And the NYPD are TRAINED to respond to situations like this.

What about the hypocritical

What about the hypocritical tweets calling for violence and even death that were aimed at the President of the NRA and other gun advocates? The last time I checked, more violence wasn't the answer.

Humanity is failing. Did you

Humanity is failing. Did you also hear about the person being sued for fraud because they fausly set up a donation account in the name of one of the kids? The family is devastated.


love how people focus on the typos and grammar first and foremost. sigh.

Even in the face of tragedy, I prefer good English over bad

I like the article- thank you for compiling this list. I am frightened by the lack of compassion and common sense that these supposed fellow humans don't hesitate to display.

As for typographical and usage issues, I am a quick judge of credibility when I see such things as typo after typo, apostrophe and comma ignorance, poor spelling, incorrect use of prepositions and pronouns, and so forth. I expect someone who wants to be taken seriously to be literate.

So yeah, even in the wake of horrendous tragedy, I expect what appears before me in print to have been edited and proofread to a reasonable degree.

If you don't like it, fine.

You know, please point out these "grammatical" errors. There's a significant difference between grammatical errors and writing style, and I don't see the issue here. I would, however, love to see these errors pointed out in more detail than just flatly brushed under "it loses credibility for grammatical errors." Woman up and post them, because I'm seeing a lot of complaining about it and not a lot of saying exactly what is wrong.

When I first read the

When I first read the article, I saw errors- typos that appeared to have been hurried past and gone unnoticed. I trust Bitch Media/Magazine, so I kept reading, but thought it was an unusual situation. After a comment or two, I believe that any errors were corrected, so they are simply not there to see anymore. The writing style is not what is being addressed.

My point was that it's okay for someone to call Bitch out on such. And it most assuredly does not mean that someone thinks that nitpicking is more important than addressing a tragedy.

The first commenter was right- sloppiness puts credibility at risk. We rightfully hold Bitch and other thoughtful, intelligent websites and publications to a far higher standard than we do the BS that is coming out of the unintelligent mouths of the nut jobs who are running loose with their conspiracy theories, lies, and bigotry.

You're also forgetting that

You're also forgetting that language has been used to control others. Sure, proper grammar and spelling are important, but to primarily focus on the way something is said over the content of what is being said is derailing at best and silencing at worst. It is completely possible to be skilled at words and perpetuate hateful ideas, just as it is possible to be grammatically clumsy yet voice intelligent thoughts. What I'm getting out of these comments is that some people deem a typo to be of greater significance to the downfall of society than one of the worst shootings in American history.

Not sure I would call that

Not sure I would call that Bushmaster ad a response to the shooting. I think the ad campaign is completely reprehensible, but it was not a response. Taking down the associated web page probably was a response.

"Everything is terrible"

"Everything is terrible" seems about right. I was agog at that Charlotte Allen piece, especially as (as Jessica Valenti pointed out) so much of society's attitude to masculinity is centered around an expectation of aggression and that hardly reduces the likelihood of this kind of tragedy, or of preventing it.

I'd also like to give a dishonourable mention to the numerous people who tweeted (and the many more who retweeted) the sentiment that the knife attack on Chinese school kids last Friday was some kind of triumph for gun control legislation. (They "only" got stabbed! Yay!)

There was also a lot of ableist "we need better mental health support services" going on immediately, when we knew nothing about the shooter. Ugh.

12-year-olds to the rescue?

Um... no twelve-year-old boy, husky or not, needs to feel it incumbent upon him to stand up to a gunman.

I've taught 8th grade.

I've seen "husky" 8th graders with 5 o'clock shadows fully cry at the suggestion that the teacher is calling home with a bad report. These are not adults.

I'm appalled.

I would like to add a nominnee

Just heard on the Jamie Altman show on 97.1 radio (the Fox News radio station in St. Louis, MO): "Have a semi-automatic Christmas." Disgusting...

Douchebag Decree: The 10 Douchiest Reactions to the Sandy Hook

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I have a winner

This evening, at our Christmas meal, a "guest" made the following comment......

I would like to see a gunman go into a school every day and kill twenty kids, maybe then in a few years we would not have ….."

Please help me, I am torn between action and inaction. I know the right thing to do would be release his home and email address to the publlc and let the "guest" receive the righteous indignation of good and decent people, but given the small circle at the gathering it would become obvious who "released this to the press"

You missed by far THE douchiest reaction ...

Please go to and read the article entitled ... "Evil White Female Syndrome” is the LONE cause of “Angry White Male Syndrome” (Adam Lanza acted in SELF-DEFENCE) ...This guy is a doctor in Canada who supports what Adam Lanza did.

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