Douchebag Decree: Beauty Supplies

Just when you thought there were no more reasons to hate the beauty industrial complex, right? I mean, first they shove the idea down our throats that as women we need painted nails, painted lips, processed hair, perfumed skin, and even chemically enhanced eyelashes, and now beauty products are the next weapons of mass destruction!

You read that right; earlier today in New York a man was arrested on the charge that he “had recently bought bomb-making supplies from beauty supply stores” and was planning on using them for evil. And not just the kind of evil that makes you feel bad about your fingernails, either.

The new terror threat: Nail Polish Remover

Now this Douchebag Decree is in no way meant to make light of the threat beauty supplies are making to our national security. Far from it. If the accused, Najibullah Zazi, who allegedly was buying up tons of acetone and hydrogen peroxide (read: nail polish remover) to make bombs is guilty, then obviously this Douchebag Decree goes to him with a shiny, lacquered red ribbon on it. Beauty supplies can’t up and blow themselves up, but they can serve as a metaphor in this situation. After all, Zazi may have been using beauty products in an even more sinister way than the beauty industrial complex intended.

However, WMD jokes aside (because those just aren’t that funny), it strikes me as a bit ironic that beauty supplies, which have played an anti-women, anti-self-esteem, anti-nature, anti-any-woman-ever-feeling-okay-about-herself role in society since practically the dawn of time are now being used in an attempt to literally blow people up. The notion of beauty products has been hurting us as a culture in various hidden and insidious ways for centuries, and now someone has actually found a way to take it to the next level. Was this inevitable? What’s next? Stabbing people with shards of a literal glass ceiling?

So congratulations, beauty supplies. You are now capable of exploding in our faces and killing us. You may be completely inanimate, but you are still worthy of this week’s Douchebag Decree. Oh, and feel free to share the honor with Zazi. That guy seems like a real douche.

by Kelsey Wallace
View profile »

Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

Get Bitch Media's top 9 reads of the week delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning! Sign up for the Weekly Reader:

3 Comments Have Been Posted

Conspiratorial Douchebag Beauty Enigmas

My impression right from confiscation began at the airports of beauty and other products that come in bottles, jars and tubes was that the purpose of confiscation was not safety - that its real purpose was to cause people to have to buy more of them when they got to their destination and to be fearful. I think those claims about mixing nail polish remover (acetone) and hydrogen peroxide (helpful in first aid kits) turned out to be false - that the supposed experts failed to show it could blow up. Nail polish remover is very flammable though. Perhaps there is a manufacturer of non - flammable remover pushing this too. On the other hand, if Najibullah Zazi really did succeed in making an explosive using those things (there must have been other ingredients) then he really is a DOUCHEBAG. Maybe I'm subscribing to conspiracy theories too much, but I can't help but wonder. Isn't this just another in a long list of pretexts to arrest people that big brother wants quieted (Oh, look, she had beauty supplies. She must be a terrorist) while simultaneously forcing re-purchase products? I don't dispute that the beauty industry is full of douchebags. What an enigma. The makeup pictured in the article looks wonderful, yet the article's contents make one consider going without it.

Acetone and hydrogen

Acetone and hydrogen peroxide can be (relatively) easily mixed to form triacetone triperoxide, which is most certainly explosive. The London 2005 bombings are thought to have used TATP explosives. I also think it's not that hard to comply with rules that liquids be not taken in carry-on luggage, given advanced notice. That much does strike me as excessively conspiratorial, even though government manipulation of "terror" fears has obviously been nefarious at times.

Maybe On Land, Not In The Air, Cosmetics Conspiracy Reiterated

I refer you to an article in USA today entitled "Liquids not as risky as first feared" at
FBI tests showed that small containers of those liquids dont pose a threat.
Jim Kaplin, head of health and safety for the American Chemical Society, was referenced in the article as having said that 'it is "practically speaking, impossible" to make a bomb on board an airplane because of the equipment and expertise required'.
That said, the points about Douchebaggery in this post are all still valid.
Some people have been and are impacted adversely by these nonsensical flight rules. Had you heard about asthmatics having their inhalers confiscated or people having their antibiotic or other necessary prescription medications taken away? Maybe the ban will cause people to buy new cosmetics upon arrival at their destinations like the industries want, generating more sales. Maybe the permanent lip-colors and mascara will get sold more - or maybe it will backfire and people will just say "screw it" and go without makeup. Good post regardless.

Add new comment