So I was riding in the car yesterday, fiddling with the radio dial, when I was blindsided by a gigantic bag of douchiness, masquerading itself in radio EP form. Coming through the speakers in my friend’s Kia were these words (poorly sung, I might add):
Shush, girl! Shut your lips!/ Do the Helen Keller, and talk with your hips!
I’m sorry, what? Do the HELEN KELLER? Because the ideal woman is unable to hear, see, or speak and can only communicate through hip gyrations? Once I recovered from the severe case of douchelash these lyrics brought upon me, I was able to do a bit of investigative research. The song is called “Don’t Trust Me,” and the
offenders performers are the Colorado-based duo 3oh!3. Apparently, this single and its creators are sweeping the nation this summer, delivering a message of doucherty and douchetice for all. Peep the video for further evidence of this:
Yikes. From what I can gather after a few listens, this song is sort of a hate anthem against an underage woman with a drug problem who may or may not want to sleep with the band. I could be wrong, but with here is an excerpt that has contributed to my interpretation:
B-b-b-bruises cover your arms/ Shaking in the fingers with the bottle in your palm/ And the best is (best is)/ No one knows who you are/ Just another girl alone at the bar
She wants to touch me (Woah)/ She wants to love me (Woah)/ She’ll never leave me (Woah, woah, oh, oh)/ Don’t trust a ho/ Never trust a ho/ Won’t trust a ho/ Cause a ho won’t trust me
Um, so yeah, it’s gross. And honestly, I might just file this song away in the sometimes-pop-music-is-super-douche-y folder that I’ve got going, but ever since this single came to my attention yesterday it seems like 3oh!3 is everywhere. Their MySpace page has something like 160 million views, they’ve got a bazillion fan sites on YouTube, and they are touring like crazy, to apparent great success. WHY, AMERICA? WHY ARE OUR YOUNG PEOPLE GOING DOUCHEBAG CRAZY?
Now, I realize that this type of summer jam is not new. Nor is the whole white-bratty-guy-dance-track breaking any new barriers in pop music. But for some reason, 3oh!3 seems even more offensive/obnoxious than others in the genre like Asher Roth, Shwayze, or LFO. Maybe it’s because they are working with the lethal combination that is douchiness+taking yourselves too seriously+woman hate+inexplicable popularity. Whatever way you slice it, it’s bad news for pop music and young women.
I say it’s bad news for pop music because not only is this song maxing out on the woman-hate-o-meter, it is also just really bad. Those dudes are annoying, and are clearly so far up their own asses that their videos are also really trite and uninspired (and, you know, full of the aforementioned woman hate). Here is another one of their videos, entitled “Starstrukk” (Nice work on the intentional misspell, guys. It makes you seem really edgy.):
They’ve got a point there, right?!? Men DO just want to set women up in daisy dukes so that they can knock them down! It’s practically science!!! These guys have really got things figured out. (No they don’t.) And with the rest of the songs in their illustrious catalog bearing titles like, “Punkb*tch,” “I’m Not Your Boyfriend Baby,” and “Holler Til You Pass Out” it doesn’t sound like the rest of the 3oh!3 catalog is any better or more female-friendly.
I know this post makes me sound like a cranky old lady who can’t get down with kids’ music these days, but 3oh!3 is just way too douche-y for my blood. With lyrics that turn women into sex objects, dudes into d-bags, and appeal to young people, plus a horrible frat-guy aesthetic and obnoxious music, 3oh!3 is getting a big, fat, (Dis)Honorable Douchebag Decree from this feminist. What do you think?
I Love (an Idealized, Hypermasculine Version of) College