Douchebag Decree: Macy's Won't Dump the Trump

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The annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is only a week away, which means we can all look forward to the over-the-top spectacle that perfectly represents this American holiday where we give thanks via excessive gluttony and then, the following day, trample others to death in order to get a deal on toys and electronics.

In advance of the parade, Macy’s been receiving attention for more than the promise of giant floats and huge crowds. It turns out that the public opinion of Macy’s spokesman and erstwhile racist conspiracy theorist Donald Trump leaves much to be desired. has created a petition urging Macy’s President and CEO to “Dump the Trump,” as he fails to represent the “magic of Macy’s.”

As the epitome of wealthy, bigoted, white corporate America, The Donald is not new to our shitlist. But Trump’s already enormous flair for embarrassing (to everyone but him, that is) public ranting reached an all-time high this November when, after the presidential election, Trump’s Twitter feed exploded in an ugly tantrum protesting the outcome. Obama’s re-election, in the Donaldverse, was a “travesty,” and Trump’s solution was to deploy some terribly worded tweets  (“The loser one!”) and calls for “revolution.”

Given that Trump has been one of the leaders of the odious “birther” movement, demanding to see President Obama’s birth certificate  and, more recently, asking for the President’s college transcript and passport application in the same week as Hurricane Sandy struck, the question  really is: Why the hell has nobody petitioned Macy’s before now?

While Trump clearly deserves his title of Douchebag in perpetuity, Macy’s earns this Decree just as much for ignoring their customers. The store’s CEO has stated that, despite the fact that the petition has 600,000 signatures and counting, Macy’s will not get rid of The Donald anytime soon. But I think we all know that keeping someone like Trump on as the face of your company is going to make everyone look stupid sooner than later. (Even Cher agrees.) So Macy’s, hope you don’t mind if you receive a few “I told you so”s down the road. 

Despite Macy’s refusal to sack Trump, there is at least one reason to enjoy the timing of this petition. As Alexandra Petri wrote for the Washington Post,

 When we think of Macy’s, most of us think of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, when dozens of giant balloons, inflated to cartoonish proportions, dangle over the streets of New York City to the alarm of small children.

You're Fired

And I defy you to find any phrase that more perfectly describes Donald Trump than “a giant balloon, inflated to cartoonish proportions, who dangles over the streets of New York City to the alarm of small children.” He has been cultivating that image for years. Sometimes he floats outside 45th-floor windows on the steam of his own ego. The only difference between him and one of Macy’s inflatables is that he’s full of hot air. 

Macy’s and The Donald, at least you got the message from this petition that you are not nearly as amazing as you believe yourself to be. Happy Thanksgiving, Douchebags!

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2 Comments Have Been Posted

Here;s the thing: a petition

Here;s the thing: a petition does *nothing*. People sign it, and forget about it. A few weeks pass. Then they go to Macy's and buy a Trump tie. The ONLY way Macy's will dump Trump is if his line's sales fall. So if customers really want to be effective, they need to stop buying his merchandise. Once customers actually start not buying his merchandise is when the store will start to consider it. Because anyone can sign a petition without looking at it or without knowing what it's about, or without actually caring about it.

And Donald Trump is NOT the "face of Macy's". He's one of many, many celebrities with a line of clothing at the store. Other celebs include Martha Stewart, Sean Combs, Jessica Simpson, Rachel Roy, Usher, etc.

So seriously people: If you want to actually make an impact, then dont buy Trump merchandise and don't just sign a piece of paper (or sign some online form). That's effective.

super cool idea to write an

super cool idea to write an article like this one. it is cool to be your reader, oh let me add a frequent reader and a comm-enter both!!

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