At this point, we probably don’t need a refresher on Tiger Woods and his scandal-making behavior. We’ve all got the 411 on his many mistresses, his alleged sex addiction, his lost endorsement deals, and his overall douche-y behavior. But what do we do with that knowledge? Where do we direct our feelings of disappointment?
Well, if we were Michael Caldwell, the ideas man behind Tail of the Tiger, we’d create a set of 12 golf balls with the alleged mistresses’ faces painted on them so that our fellow golfers could literally hit the women in the face with a club. Yep, that’s right.
From the website:
Tail of the Tiger Golf Balls are designed to lift the spirits of golfers around the world who are saddened by this loss on many levels – from those who make a living at the game to companies that sell products, to the fans who just love to watch a master practice his craft.
So relax and have some fun with Tail of the Tiger golf balls.
Tiger loves to play with them…now you can too!
Let’s break this down. According to Caldwell, these golf balls are designed to “lift the spirits” of those who are saddened by the loss of Tiger Woods from the game of professional golf (which is most likely only temporary, but that’s kind of beside the point). How exactly are these painted balls supposed to lift anyone’s spirits? I don’t know about YOU, but when I’M sad I like to take pictures of women’s faces out to a sports field and whack them in the face with titanium clubs until I feel cheerier! (No I don’t.)
Here’s a video about the product, but be warned: The following video contains high levels of douchiness.
This “Mistress Collection” is douchetastic in a number of ways. Here are just a few (feel free to add your own in the comments section!):
• Caldwell is suggesting that one “fun” way to deal with disappointment is pretend to hit women in the face.
• This pretending takes place by actually hitting images of women in the face. With metal clubs. As part of a sanctioned sport that has lots of weird and fancy rules (none of which exclude hitting women in the face, apparently).
• The onus of the Tiger-Woods-is-disappointing-us situation is being put on the mistresses. If this is so cathartic, why not put Woods’ face on the balls?
• This whole thing is being framed (by Caldwell and the media thus far) as not only harmless but also HILARIOUS! That woman in the video is buying one for her husband! Tiger himself “plays with them” so why not you? It’s a hoot!
• Somehow the “Mistress Collection” is also being touted as a fun alternative to actual domestic violence (“better these than the real women”). How about just not hitting them at all period?
• Slut-shaming. What better way to punish these women for having sex with your favorite golfer than hitting them in their slutty, slutty faces? They’re the reason your beloved Tiger is out of the game! It wasn’t his fault, it was theirs! (Not really, actually.)
So Congratulations, Michael Caldwell. You might not get the catharsis you were looking for, but you’ll always have your Douchebag Decree.