Douchebag Decree: Rick's Topless Basketball Association (and Spud Webb)

"ye olde douchebag decree" in blue letters with a light blue hand-drawn douchebag in the background, and "BITCH HEREBY DECLARES THE FOLLOWING PERSON A TOTAL DOUCHEBAG" in small letters in red underneath.

Sports fans everywhere breathed a sigh of relief last week when news broke that the NBA lockout will end on December 25. Yay basketball (go Blazers)! If the lockout were to have to continued, though, some douche-y spectators would’ve been satisfied anyway, thanks to Rick’s (Topless) Basketball League. Started in response to the lockout (because recruiting a team of topless women in platforms and short shorts is a logical response to an NBA lockout), Rick’s Cabaret International Inc. is ready to play ball. Especially since their head coach position was filled this week—by former NBA star (and current douchenozzle) Spud Webb.

spud webb surrounded by the Rick's basketball ladies
A League of Their Own

First of all, Spud Webb!? As a short person who has always championed other short people on the court, finding out that Webb is coaching a topless team in some kind of sordid publicity stunt is Muggsy Bogus (get it?) news to me. Not that his height automatically makes him too classy to coach for Rick’s Caberet, but STILL.

Second, and more importantly, this whole endeavor is a complete and total douche-o-rama. It’s one thing for women to dress sexy and play basketball (ladies, go for it!), but the RBA strikes me as a chance for men (“Rick” and Spud Webb, among others) to exploit women’s bodies for money and publicity. Topless basketball? As the busty among us know, running up and down the court without a sports bra is no walk in the park. And as this promotional video suggests, the purpose of the RBA is not to showcase these women’s ball-handling skills (or, um, maybe it is, but not in the basketball sense):

Though the NBA Lockout is coming to an end, a spokesperson for Rick’s Cabaret assures fans that the topless league will play on. From

“Of course we are happy the NBA is coming back in December—they are some of our best customers,” Gianna, a young woman with no given last name, said in a league statement. “We’ll play ‘til the NBA season starts because our fans and customers want it.”

Says Coach Spud Webb on the league, “These ladies are fabulous and have obvious talents and skills. I can’t think of a better way to entertain long-suffering NBA fans.” Really Spud Webb? Because I can think of a way to entertain “long-suffering” NBA fans who want to watch women on the court. It’s called the WNBA (and the women who play there are allowed to wear sports bras).

by Kelsey Wallace
View profile »

Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

Get Bitch Media's top 9 reads of the week delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning! Sign up for the Weekly Reader:

7 Comments Have Been Posted

Your Video wordmark logo

<p>Kindly remove that hideous Papyrus font from 'NYC' as it's preventing me from even hitting 'play' on the video.</p>
<p>On behalf of the global design community,</p>

Why is Bitch okay with

Why is Bitch okay with prostitution, but not topless basketball?

Prostitution is what it is,

Prostitution is what it is, it doesn't masquerade as something else (like women 'playing' basketball while topless).
Directness vs. absurd exploitation.


For me, it has a lot to do with the language it's couched in. This is a form of sex work, and I think it should be described honestly. In addition, it comes along with some implicit assumptions, such as the fact that all basketball fans (or at least the ones who are valued) are heterosexual males, and that without the NBA around there is no other outlet for basketball fans (which could be read as a jab at the WNBA).

Also to consider is that Bitch is a blog/publication comprised of individuals who may have unique, sometimes discordant viewpoints (as feminists sometimes, or even often, do). That doesn't mean we folks can't work together and listen to each other-in fact, our disagreements can be productive, and can prompt some great discussions.

At least, that's my two cents.

so incredibly douchey

wow. that is the douchiest thing i have seen in a long time. what if basketball fans are women? what if female basketball fans don't like to see women acting fools and damaging their breast tissue? yes, spud, because that's me, a female feminist basketball fan, asshole. spud is about as dumb as a potato.

What about this?

What about this? Does anyone know about this? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO JUST FOUND OUT THIS EXISTS??!?!?!

Lingerie football league. Are you kidding me?!

Add new comment