Hello! I’m the new reality TV blogger for Bitch! Please be warned in advance, these posts won’t be terribly deep. Also, there are some spoilers.
Just me, or has this week on reality TV just basically been women arguing with each other? A terrible affront to feminists everywhere, or the very reason why reality TV was invented in the first place???? We’re ranking ‘em (on a scale of 1 to 5 doorslams), here!
–The Real Housewives of NYC: This show is basically an exploration of the mathematical question, “If you have five self-centered TV subjects, how many different fights can they get into?” (The answer, incidentally, is 32). This week, Ramona’s husband Mario calls Jill self-centered, Alex and Ramona accuse each other of sluttiness, and, in the fight they’ve been promoting all season, Kelly and Bethenny have at it at the Brass Monkey. I’m giving this fight three doorslams: I have to reluctantly admit that every single person had at least one good point in their confrontations, but the fights were too petty to really enjoy. This would ordinarily get two doorslams, but I liked Kelly’s pink knee-high galoshes enough to give them one more.
–America’s Next Top Model: Now, here’s a good fight! After squinchy-eyed Celia tattled to Tyra at panel that burn victim Tahlia felt ambivalent about being on the show, World War III breaks out in the models’ apartment. The uncomfortably racialized atmosphere of the fight (minority models against Caucasians) was somewhat leavened by the complete inanity of the argument (starting at around minute 1:00 in clip above), the highlight of which was Aminat shrieking at Natalie: “You. Are. STUPID. S! T! U! P! I! D! (3:45-4:17). Take a note, Real Housewife Kelly, that is how you should’ve played it with Bethenny at the Brass Monkey. Even more satisfyingly, Celia gets served at judging panel, with Tyra telling Celia that she’s been the victim of female-on-female sabotage before and she will not put up with that on her show. (5:30-6:35 in clip). I don’t usually say this, but GO TYRA. I love it when the moral is “women have to back up women!!” Five doorslams!!
–Pretty Wicked: Ugh. Pretty Wicked is a new reality show with the premise of humiliating overly confident women. Well, they call it “teaching narcissistic girls to become beautiful inside,” and there’s certainly plenty of fighting, but the “simmer down, sweetie” message of the show is making me awfully uncomfortable and I’m not going to watch it anymore. Negative three doorslams.
–And Project Runway. Here’s some real-life reality TV conflict for you – the lawsuit between Bravo network president Lauren Zalaznick and Lifetime network president Andrea Wong over who gets to air Project Runway was resolved, quote unquote “amicably,” with Lifetime agreeing to pay Bravo’s overlords at NBC an undisclosed amount of money to take over the show. The moral here: women, if you’re going to fight over reality TV, be the president of the network. No doorslams – just a handshake will do!