Going Rogue: An American Turd

To the three or so people out there who did not dress as Sarah Palin for Halloween last year: Fear not. This year you can go as Sarah Palin, bestselling author! That’s right, the former governor of Alaska and perpetual wackjob has a book out on November 17 entitled Going Rogue: An American Life. It will undoubtedly be available at a corporately-owned and homogenized chain bookstore near you in time for the holidays. What a maverick!

Only the rogue-iest of rogues would publish a memoir with HarperCollins!It is no secret that Sarah Palin is anti-feminist (and we’re not so fond of her, either) so we don’t feel a bit bad speculating a bit as to what the gun-loving, God-fearing pages of Going Rogue will have to offer. Feel free to make as many guesses in the comments section as you’d like! There’s probably still time for our suggestions to make the final print run. (Which, btw, is starting at an unbelievable 1.5 million copies. Do that many people really want to read about beauty pageants and rape kit price hikes?)The first thing to keep in mind is that the entire book was written in only two months, with the help of former World Magazine editor Lynn Vincent. World is a conservative Christian publication, so we can count on that influence playing a major role in the memoir. No surprise there.We can also count on Ms. Vincent exercising a heavy hand in the actual writing of the memoir. After all, does anyone remember this “rogue” (read: insane) speech of Palin’s?

Yeah. She’s not the world’s best sense maker, so she’s going to need some help in that department.In addition, Palin plans to focus the book on the “grueling interviews” and frustrations she experienced as a Vice Presidential candidate. She claims she was treated unfairly by the liberal media (where does Bitch fit in to that equation? Do you think she thinks we’re too liberal?) and now is her chance to tell 1.5 million people about it. This will probably involve a lot of confusing colloquialisms and weird finger pointing. Translators will perhaps be necessary, so book your folksy Alaskan now to avoid the rush.Of course, this description of Palin’s “American Life” will no doubt include many details about her personal politics and family life. Pregnancy, snowmobiles, and hunting will abound (maybe even at the same time). Hopefully there will be some shirtless photos of Levi Johnston in the mix at least, right? Or maybe Palin will address Johnston’s statement that she let he and Bristol sleep in the same bed together while they were dating. You know, before they had a baby (but probably while they were making one). And speaking of Johnston, it might be a tad unrelated but we would be remiss if we did not include this gem of a Johnston video clip:Hilarious. When is his memoir coming out?So what are your predictions for Going Rogue? Will anyone read it? Will we learn anything new about Sarah “Barracuda” Palin that actually matters? Will she ever get out of the spotlight and stop driving us insane? Only time, and a massive print run from HarperCollins, will tell.