New ad campaign equates unprotected sex with eating pistachios. Thanks, Levi Johnston!

You know that feeling you get when you have unprotected sex with the Governor’s daughter, the two of you have a baby, and you become a national punchline? Well, next time you find yourself in that awkward situation, take a cue from teen dad Levi Johnston and turn your regrets into something positive: pistachios.

Wow. I guess the message here is that eating pistachios is basically the same thing as having sex, and that having unprotected sex that results in an unplanned pregnancy is not only hilarious, it is also lucrative. Oh, and it doesn’t really matter whether or not you use protection during sex, but you’d sure as hell better have a bodyguard with you if you’re going to eat a pistachio.

Am I alone in being confused by this ad? Why on earth did the pistachio people think that Levi Johnston was a good candidate to help them sell their nuts? Making jokes about unprotected sex wouldn”t convince me to buy anything except for condoms (and a time machine for Johnston, if one were available). And is the “Get Crackin’ ” slogan supposed to be sexy? DON’T TRY TO MAKE PISTACHIOS SEXY. They just aren’t. And neither is unprotected teen sex with Sarah Palin’s daughter. Gross.

by Kelsey Wallace
View profile »

Kelsey Wallace is an editor in Portland, Oregon. Follow her on Twitter if you like TV and pictures of dogs.

Get Bitch Media's top 9 reads of the week delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning! Sign up for the Weekly Reader:

6 Comments Have Been Posted

He busted a nut. Get it? Get

He busted a nut. Get it? Get it?

He also ruined pistachios for me forever.

Ugh. That is all.

Ugh. That is all.

I think the ad designers

I think the ad designers were being cheeky little buggers, using allusion and metaphor to crack a joke about "bustin' a nut without protection". With every intention of drawing correlations between 'bustin/cracking nuts' & ejaculation. They were counting on people picking up on the current events reference. Hence the "He NOW, does it with protection." It's total "boy humour" and it's obvious this is the demographic they are targetting. I'm guessing you've never hung out with a bunch of semi-tipsy men in a pub that serves nuts before. Nut jokes are standard fare in that territory.

Fearing 14:59, dude?

When I first saw this, all I could think was, "Has he no dignity?" He's in the public eye for impregnating someone, presumably through unprotected sex; I guess I'd just expect someone in his position to either try to stay out of the media frenzy or try to deflect it onto, y'know, some more flattering reason to be famous.
Also, while it seems obvious now, I hadn't realized that his friend was supposed to be an actual bodyguard. Perhaps there's a little deconstruction of racial cues to be done here?

Levi Johnston - Further Proof Life's Unfair

Further proof life is unfair: I'm sitting at my poorly paid desk job waiting for my writing career to take off, while Levi Johnston is posing for Playgirl and making money in commercials. What's a girl to do?

Check out my blog post, "Life's Unfair...So Now What?" all about Levi's good fortune and my...not so good fortune. It's a hoot!

The amazing thing is that

The amazing thing is that people go to college to study advertising and marketing and then get paid big bucks to come up with stupid ideas like this.
Why does he need a bodyguard? Does he really think that the public even cares about him, much less waste their time trying to hurt him. Wow he sure has a big ego!
It seems to me he's the male Paris Hilton-famous for being famous.

Add new comment