OK folks. You know how we feel about this year’s Kay Jewelers ad and the holiday-themed pap smear PSAs, but which holiday ads are making you want to throw your remote/magazine/newspaper/laptop into an open fire this year? There’s only one way to find out! It’s time for OFFENSIVE COMMERCIALS: HOLIDAY SHOWDOWN!
Let’s start with the obvious. Douchetastic Douchebag Decree recipient Michael Bay directed this year’s Victoria’s Secret holiday commercial. Joy to the world, right?
Looks like Bay has created a feminist bizarro world with this spot. In his fantasy land, women are pool sharks, fighter pilots, film directors, and serious ass kickers. The catch? They are all wearing only lingerie. So close, yet so far. And the mark is missed even further with that “1,000 Fantasies” slogan. You know, because if you buy a woman a bra she’ll morph into a six-foot tall fictional character. With boobs.
Lynx Body Spray:
Yeah, you bet we’ll be prepared this holiday season. Prepared to defend ourselves from the Lynx-toting date rapist lurking after hours in the mall parking lot. When I showed this ad to someone at the office she said, “This ad could be for pepper spray and nothing would have to change but the product name.” So true, and sooo creepy.
‘Tis the time to liberate? Thanks, Gap. We’ll keep that in mind while we’re 86-ing the rules, and doing whatever we want-u-kkah (on the way to your corporate-run retail outlet, of course). Not only is this ad completely irritating, it also presents a false image of what The Gap is about. Why on earth would they equate liberation with buying plaid shirts made overseas by underpaid workers? It doesn’t add up.
I know this ad is from last year, but I’ve seen it on TV this season as well, and it’s just as ridiculous this time around. How is this couple in such a serious relationship (celebrating Christmas morning together) if the guy barely knows how to sign? And can that shiny watch really make up for his lack of communication skills? Well, judging by her smiling face and kissing lips, the answer is yes.
I am restraining myself here and only including four holiday commercials in the showdown instead of the hundreds that could have been entered. If you’ve seen an ad that took the jingle right out of your bells this season, tell us about it in the comments section! Until then, it’s SHOWDOWN TIME!