Intrepid artist Erika Moen reports on a different aspect of sex each week in Oh Joy Sex Toy. This week gets a little sweet as she details going home for the holidays.
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Here is a text transcription of the comic to make it more accessible for people using screen readers. Transcription by Morgan Kelly.
Erika introduces this comic, “Ahhh, it’s winter time, Dearest Perverts! You know what THAT means… Snuggling with you sweetie on cold days… Buying each other sexy presents… and bringing your honey home to meet your family for the first time.” Two people are depicted cuddling, opening presents, and then meeting their partner’s parent. The person says “Nice to meet you” but is thinking, “I’m nailing your daughter.” The parent says “Likewise” but is thinking, “You’re nailing my daughter.”
Erika continues, “Introducing your parents to you new sex partner can be fraught with awkwardness and even hostility. So for all you perverts who are about to embark on this delicate rite of passage, in solidarity I share my own story about the time Matthew met my family…”
Erika explains, “Matthew and I met when I visited England in the spring of 2005.” Erika was then 21 years old and Matthew was 19 years old, they had an eight hour time difference between the United States and England. “He was supposed to be my one time European fling, but we liked each other a lot… Unintentionally we wound up in a long distance relationship. Here’s the thing about being college students in an international long distance relationship: You literally have NO idea when you’ll get to see each other again. Each visit may be your last. By splitting the cost of a ticket, we could afford to fly Matt out to spend the ’05 winter break with me in the states. We road tripped from my college in Southern California up the coast… visiting my friends in LA, San Francisco, and Portland along the way to my hometown of Seattle where we would be celebrating Christmas with… -dun dun duuuuun- …MY FAMILY.”
Erika says, “Growing up, my mom made no secret of her beliefs.” Erika’s mom yells, “Don’t dress like a slut! No sex until marriage! Your virginity is a gift you give your husband!” Erika continues, “So I booked Matthew and me a room in a local youth hostel for our Seattle stay.”
Erika’s mom responds on the telephone outraged, “WHAT? But it’s Christmas! You HAVE to stay with your family!” Erika says, “It’s really, really important that we sleep in the same room. That’s the only way I’ll stay at the house. I promise we won’t fool around if you let us stay at home…” Erika’s mom replies, “NO UNMARRIED COUPLES WILL SLEEP TOGETHER UNDER MY ROOF.” Erika says, “Which is why I reserved a room at a hostel.” Erika’s mom responds again, “But it’s CHRISTMAS! You HAVE to stay here!”
Erika continues, “We went back and forth like this for a few weeks, until the night before we arrived in Seattle…” Erika’s mom is on the telephone and says, “Erika… This is… Very difficult for me to say. I… I… can’t bring myself to say the words. Even though it makes me very uncomfortable… But I think you know what I mean when I say… You and Matthew are both welcome to stay here. Together. I hope you understand what I mean.” Erika replies, “Aw, thank you mom. That means a lot. I’ll cancel my reservation.”
Erika continues, “After a full day of driving, we arrived at my childhood home.” Erika introduces Matthew to her parents and they go on a tour of the house. Erika’s mom says, “This is the living room… This is Erika’s room… And downstairs I’ve prepared a bed for you, Matthew…” Erika jumps in, “Wait, what? You said we could sleep in the same room! That’s the only reason I agreed to stay here!” Erika’s mom shrugs and says, “I never SAID that…”
Erika continues, “Eventually, a compromise was reached.” Erika’s mom explains, “Ok. You can sleep together in the rec room (no closing door)… in SEPARATE sleeping bags… (NO zipping the bags together to make one big sleeping bag!!)… with your brother sleeping on the floor.” Erika looks exhausted as she says, “Fine. It’s late. I’ve been driving all day, let’s just do this.”
Erika continues, “We all settled in for the night…” Erika’s brother asks if Erika and Matthew want to watch South Park, Erika’s mom says, “I wanna watch it too. Scoot over.” Erika’s mom climbs to the center of the sofa, in between Matthew and Erika. Erika asks, “Uh… mom, don’t you hate South Park?” Erika’s mom replies, “It’s uh, it’s ok. I like it fine.” One minute later, Erika’s mom is pretending to be asleep between Erika and Matthew on their bed.
Erika continues, “I waited till the show had ended and then…” Erika nudges her mom, who is still pretending to be asleep, “…Mom. Hey, hey mom. Wake up. You… You can’t sleep here. You can’t spend the night in between Matt and me.” Erika’s mom explodes in outrage, yelling indistinguishably. “My dad was so mortified by my mom’s behavior that he offered to take us to a hotel for the night.”
Erika says, “And thaaaaaaaaat’s how Matthew met my family! Good luck to everyone meeting their partner’s family for the first time.” Matthew adds, “Our thoughts are with you.” Erika is now 30 years old and Matthew is 28 years old. Erika winks and says to Matthew, “I can’t believe you married me after all that.” Matthew raises his eyebrows and says, “WORTH IT.” A decorative banner reads, “Happy Holidays from Oh Joy, Sex Toy.”