Behold the teaser from an article in this morning's Chicago Sun Times: "Football tough guy Brian Urlacher dresses his son in pink Cinderella diapers and paints the 3-year-old's toenails blue, the child's mother charged in Will County court Tuesday."
Let's break this down a little bit. First of all, the article lets us know that Brian Urlacher (who plays football for the Chicago Bears) is a "tough guy."This is presumably because he plays football, and because he is big.Then we learn that Urlacher "dresses" his 3-year-old in pink diapers (because diapers are the new clothing, apparently) and paints his son's nails blue. Finally we read the real kicker here: His son's mother is taking him to court for these heinous crimes.
Brian Urlacher and his former girlfriend, Tyna Robertson, are separated, which is apparently why she has been unable to control the pink-diaper dressing (Which has happened on five occasions!). According to Tyna, their 3-year-old son Kennedy loves his pink diapers and painted nails so much that he doesn't want to get in the bath at the end of the day for fear of his makeover washing off. Because other, non-blue-tonailed 3-year-olds totally love taking baths, obviously.
Robertson said she has pleaded with Brian to get him to cease the toenail painting and "inappropriate diapering," but her pleas went unheeded.
"He says he can do whatever he wants," Robertson said. "(Urlacher said), 'It doesn't make him feminine. It doesn't make him gay.'
"You're confusing him, if he's a boy or a girl," she said.
Am I the only one creeped out by the insane homophobia and gender weirdness going on in this article? Painted toenails and pink diapers do not a girl make, and if a boy (who is only 3 and should not have to fear ridicule from his narrow-minded mother) likes those things then he should be able to wear them. Plus, if she was so set on raising an uber-heteronormative, macho son, she probably shouldn't have named him after a female MTV veejay (anyone else remember Kennedy?).
Oh, and things are about to take a turn for the gender-creepier. I wanted to defend Urlacher in this case for letting his son express himself and not being a bigot. Guess what, though? Last July, Urlacher sent Robertson several abusive text messages telling her that, "Your [sic] raising a little pussy." Turns out they are both bigoted homophobes, and the only person worth defending here is poor, fashionable Kennedy.
So we've got a"tough guy" football player who hates pussies, a bigoted mother who is willing to go to court to get her 3-year-old to stop liking pink, and a mass media that are covering this story as if both parents have valid arguments (and a super-gay son). There are so many f-ed up things going on here I could fill a book, and I bet you could too. Or at least a comments section. So get to it!