Sex and the Fat Girl: Ask a Fat Girl #1

Tasha Fierce
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Tasha Fierce is a writer living in the occupied Tongva territory known as Los Angeles. You can follow them on Twitter at @tashajfierce and read more of their work on their website.

Here’s my first installment answering your questions for the “Ask a Fat Girl” series. I thought it would be fun to record my answers by audio and include a transcript. Enjoy!

Transcript (PDF)

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5 Comments Have Been Posted

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I opened the pdf and I was not prepared for what I found!

Q: Hi! I'm looking for love, and I have realized that I'm attracted to skinny, white men. The
guys that hit on me are not that, and I'm not interested. Is there hope for me?

A: Whoa, whoa. You’re ONLY attracted to skinny white men? You might want to reconsider. I
mean, if a guy told you he was only attracted to skinny white girls, your opinion of him would
probably plummet. Like it or not, our attractions don’t exist in a societal vacuum, so think about
WHY it is that you’re only attracted to skinny white dudes. Because that’s the cultural pinnacle
of desirability? Just think. Your standards really shouldn’t be so strict that you eliminate entire
races/ethnicities and body sizes from your dating pool. Maybe the skinny white guys who don’t
hit on you have similar exclusionary standards and they don’t like fat chicks? I’m not trying to be
mean, I’m just pointing out the contradiction. If you only want a certain very limited type, you’re
not going to be going on a whole lot of dates.

That is what you said. This is what I heard "Don't be so choosy because people who are attracted to you aren't being choosy. You are fat and people hitting on you are cool with that. You should be happy anyone is hitting on you." Okay that was harsh but seriously, would you tell a femme lesbian who gets hit on by straight men to not be so choosy? Would you tell a Latina that prefers to date Latinos (as discussed by BITCH <a href=" but gets hit on by white men to be less picky? It really seems like you are saying that beggars can't be choosers, but I disagree that fat chicks are beggars.

With all the options that are open to people for meeting a specific kind of person (online dating!) I certainly think there is hope for the woman who wrote the question.

reply to "Wowsers!"

I didn't see the "beggars can't be choosers" angle that you're seeing, edgy1004. I saw a suggestion to really think about the asker's dating preference and whether or not it is a personal thing (skinny white dudes are just what does it for her) or if it's perhaps a preference influenced more by society's acceptable standards of attractiveness or by past experience.

Having been down this very road myself, I get what Tasha's saying and I think she has a valid point. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that up until a few years ago, I never used to date black men and was known to say that I didn't date black men. Sure, there were some that I found attractive but they weren't usually in my scope of potential partners because of a prejudice I'd developed based on past experiences. All the black men that I'd interacted with up to that point in my life had very different cultural values from my own. It was like we were walking down roads going in two different directions. We wanted different things in life. After I matured a bit I realized that I didn't want to date them because we had nothing in common. It had nothing to do with race. Plus, I met some great guys who happened to be black that I had a lot in common with and found them to be incredibly attractive.

I've since opened up my dating pool and have had some wonderful experiences with people I wouldn't have otherwise been open to had I not examined myself and realized that my "preference" was really a prejudice. I'm not saying that this is the asker's experience at all - lord knows I still have a "type", however, my type includes far fewer physical attributes than it used to and focuses on the type of person on the inside.

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