Sex and the Fat Girl: Ask a Fat Girl #2

Tasha Fierce
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Tasha Fierce is a writer living in the occupied Tongva territory known as Los Angeles. You can follow them on Twitter at @tashajfierce and read more of their work on their website.

Hey! Here’s the second edition of Ask a Fat Girl. This time we’re talking about dudes who are in denial about being attracted to fat girls, good positions for two fat people to have sex in, how to deal with unwanted attention from fat fetishists, comparing yourself to skinny friends and more! Take a listen…

Transcript (PDF)

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4 Comments Have Been Posted

Is it possible to provide a

Is it possible to provide a transcript for those of us who can't listen to the audio please?

Regarding this question: "Do

Regarding this question:

"Do you have skinny friends who make you feel bad about yourself? Not in the sense that they say negative things to you, but more when you hang out with them you see how skinny they are and feel bad about yourself/compare yourself to them?"

I would like to know if you have any advice for the skinny woman on the other side of this equation. I'm count-my-ribs thin, and though I make an effort not to draw attention to this in any way, I do get occasional comments from my friends that indicate they feel the same way as the person who wrote in to this column. Anything I can think to say in response sounds like the skinny-minny patronizing the fatty, so I usually just pretend the comments didn't happen, but there's got to be a better way to handle this. I realize that this is mostly my thin privilege talking, but to put it bluntly this makes me feel like shit. How can I be a good friend to a person I love and respect when that person feels bad about herself around me? It's becoming even more of a problem now that so many of my friends are starting to have kids (my circle is mostly in our early to mid 20s) because they are feeling openly insecure about their post-baby bodies.

I know this question does <i>not</i> belong in this actual column, but perhaps other commenters here might be able to give me some insight? I would greatly appreciate your advice.

Body Image Woes

I have had this conversation with a friend of mine who in the past year and a half lost about 100 pounds and she was dealing with women heavier than her making slights at her for it. I deeply feel that the stigma's attached to body image extend over into the the skinny girl camp just as the fat girl camp. In my friends case, one of our mutual friends said that she thought she was too thin now and not attractive anymore; this really hurt my friend. She was outraged that someone thought just because she wasn't fat anymore that comments about her body wouldn't hurt her or that someone could say something like that. Regardless of the validity to the statement or not, friends shouldn't say things to make other friends feel badly about themselves or put each other on guilt trips. I think it might be a good idea for you to stand up for yourself the next time someone says something that doesn't feel right to you in regards to your weight vs. theirs. You deserve just as much respect to your sensibilities being a thin/skinny woman as one who is on the heavier side. Just because you are not fat does not mean you do not get a say in how someone treats you in respect to your body. I'm not saying be super aggressive the next time it happens, but what I am saying is that unless you point out this behavior and let the person know it bothers you/that you would like it to change there is no chance it will get resolved and a better chance you will feel resentment towards that friend. Your friends should not take their insecurities out on you or discredit your feelings because you don't have excessive weight bogging you down; you're a person with feelings and they should treat you as such.

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