So, my fellow bitches…let’s talk about sex. When I was asked to write a blog for Bitch, the editors and I pretty quickly settled on the topic: sex and relationships, which often–but not always!–go well together. I write a fair number of mostly SFW overshares about love, sex and relationships for The Pursuit of Harpyness www.harpyness.com. And while I was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to, y’know, doing it, I have been reading, writing and thinking about love and sex since I was old enough to troll the bookshelves in the public library–even in elementary school I was like a truffle pig when it came to finding the naughty bits.
Now that I’m headed for my mid-30s, I find myself thinking about and talking about sex with more openness and enthusiasm than ever before.I’ve asked a lot of friends for ideas and inspiration for this blog. I asked them to tell me about their weird experiences and surprising insights and burning questions about sex and relationships. I guaranteed anonymity and respectful treatment and got a flood of responses. You’ll be seeing some of them in the coming weeks!
The best question I heard was also the shortest: What’s taboo?
It’s a helluva good question. Is anything about sex taboo anymore? In our overexposed, overshare-y, American media culture where everyone seems to have a sex tape, is there anything we do in bed that’s still considered shocking or edgy or wrong?
In the last 50 years, centuries-old taboos have fallen like dominoes. Premarital sex? People have been doing it since the dawn of marriage, but it lost its stigma with the sexual revolution. Oral sex? After l’affaire Lewinsky landed blowjobs in the 24-hour news cycle, oral pretty much completely lost its power to shock. Of course, the internet has been a radical game-changer. As a teen, I had to ferret out the naughty bits in novels to get my jollies. But now if you have high-speed access, you can see see as much oral/anal/threesome/orgy action as you can handle, along with nearly every fetish imaginable. These are the days of the infamous Rule 34: If It Exists, There Is Porn of It. Thanks to the web, we’re bombarded with so much graphic sex in every possible permutation that hard to know what, if anything, pushes the envelope.
One of the great advances of feminism and the sexual revolution is that nowadays, we’re a hell of a lot less judgey about what people do with their genitals. It’s not a judgement-free world, by any means, but there’s a sense of live-and-let live that’s new and different and incredibly healthy. We should all be grateful to be living–and fucking–in this day and age.
So let’s talk about sex–often and loudly–for the next couple weeks. I invite you to e-mail me through the site to join the discussion. Ask questions, offer insights about bed, bitching and beyond. Maybe we’ll even shock ourselves…