Snarky's Cinemachine: Backyard Superheroes

Whenever I opted to play “superheroes” with neighborhood kids, I was often assigned Catwoman, since other gals had already called dibs on Batgirl, Superwoman, Mary Jane (didn’t realize she was a superhero) and Wonder Woman. Backyard rules apparently dictated there could only be one of each female superhero, but had no prescriptive on the number of Batmans, Supermans and Spidermans battling the faux forces of evil in one backyard at any given time. Initially, I would rebuff the assignment, opting instead to battle the forces of evil as Chaka Khan. While being a superhero in my own personal world, Chaka Khan was not recognized as such by the Neighborhood Children’s Superhero Committee - a governing body with chapters all over the universe - and therefore was prohibited. Despite its rather sexist and draconian guidelines in the case of female superheroes, the Neighborhood Children’s Superhero Committee was rather flexible with male superheroes. Anyone - and I mean anyone - could be Batman, Superman or Spiderman. Though the first one calling dibs on Superman was the leader and free to restrict the number of Superman also-rans under his/her command. As Catwoman I was tasked with reconnaissance and retrieval; as children we were well acquainted with the naughtiness of theft, but not acquainted with the concept of moral ambiguity. My job was to find object and information - by any means necessary, even a tap dance (the “sexiest” interrogation tactic we knew) - and report back to the primary Superman, who often ate cookies and stabbed holes in his spent Capri Sun drink.

Julie Newmar

Earth Kitt singing “Cha Cha Heels”

Michelle Pfeiffer

Halle Berry

Looking back, I realized being assigned Catwoman wasn’t an afterthought at all. In the backyard she was positioned as smart, cute and resourceful; enjoying autonomy not afforded to Wonder Woman, Batgirl, Superwoman or Mary Jane. In the backyard, Catwoman answered only to the primary Superman - if she felt like answering to anyone at all.