We're All Mad Here: Dating While Crazy

It sucks that I feel the pressure to remain anonymous when commenting on this article.'But, I do so therefore I am.

The author probably knows that it is best to experience, not explain, the happenings of a relationship where one of the partners is "mentally ill" if you are seeking to understand it. From my experience, being in a relationship with someone who is mentally ill is only as risky as the lack of communication. Unfortunately, most regular folk don't have elaborate "talking abilities" as their language is limited, again, by their experiences. But, as a "mentally ill person" when you find someone who is patient and communicative, ring the bell.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is quite a bit of responsibility placed on the "mentally ill" partner; 50%. They need to be self aware, communicative, part of a healthy community and always working towards mutual compromise. These are big tasks for someone who might have spent most of their life in ignorance and "darkness". But, it is critical.

I really appreciate the empathy from this article. Thank you. I would love to hear your response.

Ummmm, what about Emma Pillsbury in Glee? She is OCD but she is still a character a lot of Glee fans love and root for.

I think you raise a lot of valid points here, especially in the way the media often ascribes irrational behavior solely to mental illness, even though supposedly "healthy" people often exhibit the same behavior.

I'd love to see a follow-up article regarding what I call "the quirkification of mental illness." As another commenter noted, one character on Glee has OCD, but this is often presented more as an adorable quirk than a debilitating disorder. There have also been movies like Garden State which, though flawed, does show a (bipolar? depressed? overmedicated?) young man falling in love with an epileptic (manic pixie dream girl) young woman. There was also the film (I don't recall the name) about a woman who falls in love with an autistic man, and another called My Sassy Girl, in which a "normal" man falls in love with a (schizophrenic? I never saw it, so help me out here!) woman, seeing her "craziness" as adorable.

It seems like we should be able to find a happy medium wherein mental illness is neither terrifying nor adorable, but just something that neither overcomes nor fades into the background of a relationship. The movie Shine comes close, but I'd like to see one that acknowledges that not all mental illness is so extreme as to be immediately apparent.

The character in My Sassy Girl isn't schizophrenic. I think she's just a very manic pixie.

I would add the character of Terry Bellefleur from True Blood. He's a veteran with PTSD, and mentions at one point hearing voices when he doesn't take his meds. But he is a character that appears to me always depicted in a respectful way. He is shown to be a good prospect to Arlene. But I agree with the author ; most of the time, mental illness in movies and on TV is badly pictured and full of prejudices.

My 2 cents:
Personally I'd much rather people refer to people they didn't like as "crazy" than try to give them a specific diagnosis. In particular, there seems to be a trend among otherwise P.C. people to say... acting like a borderline, when they think a person is behaving inappropriately, or "teach how to be borderline" when referring to messed up communication advice in relationships.

For me that hurts so much more than crazy. That's literally saying that a borderline, in particular, cannot have a relationship, full stop. The lack of specificity of crazy, to me, makes it a more appropriate word for general behavior that one does not understand and thinks is having negative effects.

I don't tell people about the borderline. I tell them I have depression. THe few people I told otherwise (who weren't themselves in treatment with me) tell me, oh, you can't be borderline, I like you. That hurts. I'll take crazy bitch any day over that.

I just share this overly personal story to illustrate why I think the word crazy is ok to use, and has a purpose. And also because oversharing is just my thing.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this subject. I think many of the comments have focused on the media aspect of your post but I think for me it was the point about 'crazy' people not being deserving of relationships that touched a cord with me. As someone who has two parents who both suffer from depression and having suffered from it myself I know exactly what you refer to when you speak of people avoiding the 'crazy'. I've been told more than once by well meaning friends or acquaintances that I should abandon my relationship with my mother because its 'co-dependent' or 'unhealthy'. Mostly because she requires a little more of my time or assistance with things that more people can manage themselves. I understand that 'crazy' people require a little more investment of time and attention but I think that the rewards of having those relationships more than outweighs the difficulties. I have in the past learned to not talk about mental things with friends and lovers people because it can be very hurtful when friends turn on you and tell you that your 'crazy' or 'need help' or that you need to be 'fixed'. Now I find its much nicer to have relationships with people who I can talk to than ones built on the premise of 'don't talk about the crazy' so people don't leave you. You always feel that you are one step away from loosing your social network.

(In this comment I use the word crazy because I don't necessarily refer to actual diagnosed conditions just the behavior or feelings that people seem to feel are 'crazy'.)